Of Songs and Blind People

Whenever we teeter at the brink of seeming emo-ness or plain music craving, we humans have this certain song, or at least a certain feel of a song we particularly yearn for. Whether it be a mushy love song, a corny comic song or an up beat one, we just know our spirits just won't get settled unless we get to march with its melody.

Within two days, i have played Super Junior's No Other 61 times, watching the mv excluded. Probably some would tell me, do you even understand the lyrics? I probably don't, verbatimly. But the song has this particular effect on me. The one that makes me lighten up, paint an upward curve on my hesitant lips and see the brighter side of things. It's like you could feel the sincerity, you could feel that indeed for them there is no other to whom they could compare the one they love. I remember just yesterday i told a friend of mine who commented that my FB status was so deep that he has to be "in it" to get it. And indeed, no other makes you feel as if you are the one being serenaded. I'm not "fangirling" here. It's just that songs, in general make people...genuine people. It has this power to rip man off of his cloak of pretensions.

On a bigger picture, songs are probably one of God's greatest gift that man has came to know. Songs, no matter how grand or simple, how famous or how personal, in fact is a one-size-fits-all trade. It doesn't discriminate like each of us does, it doesn't judge, doesn't look at who should be and should be not. It simply welcomes everyone brave enough to sing its notes, regardless of the tune which humans so often strain into getting right not knowing that melodies are useless without the heart that conveys its sincerity.

A lot of things can be said on the veracity of the human heart. Is being a human enough criteria to have a human heart? And how human can a human be?

Songs are just like humans, i must say. We tend to be deceiving, just like how titles can very well mislead you. We tend to be emotional, comical, mellow, hyper, romantic and a lot more million states we get ourselves into. A single song cannot encompass the vastness of all the possible emotions the human heart and mind is capable of, however in an ironical note, a single song can encapsulate the sentiments of an incapable heart. This happens when a certain song so freakishly fits in into our current situation that we even call it the theme song of our life, for now, at least. We also tend to look for certain voices that we feel can fit our mood, melody, tune, timbre and all but in the end, we never realize that it is not us who gets to choose who shall sing our melodies, but rahter the singer itself. All we can do is sit back and wait for them to get in the mood and feel the silent beats of our hearts that shall soon have a duet.

Sometimes, too, we feel so alone, just like how a dusty cassette tape must've been feeling right now. We feel so left out, forgotten, and this is when we start to reminisce moments of nostalgic immersions. We start to border on some imaginary line that divide us from the word. But we'll just get this surprise of a revival. Just when we think life has given up on us, someone unexpected comes, and gives us hope...revives our music and sings our melody in a whole new arrangement.

Isn't it amazing how God has been able to make everything an implicit part of each other, if not an utter clone? Indeed it is. But now is still not the time when humanity will finally realize the beauty of things just before our very eyes.

I started with songs but ended in man's blindness on the world's true beauty. But don't you worry dear reader and self, everything is an implicit part of each other. So in a sense, your intro still fits with your conclusion.

Fear not of those make believe writing constraints. :)
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The Yesterday I Never Wanted To Be

Via theory of relativity, everything that happened approximately 24 hours ago shall be referred to as past, yesterday or simply something we can easily dismiss, relative to this present time. Everything that constituted that day, namely, events, people, activities, food and all the tangibles and intangibles vanish all together and turn into a part of a word creatively coined by fickle-minded human beings - and that is - memories. This day, i have started to get irritated by the word, by the feeling it delivers, by its mere existence. Why so?

Well, a memory is something com-sci students like me take as a cliche. An everyday word whose meaning we have to know by heart like basically knowing how to breathe; for not knowing so leads to being called a hardcore noob. Our concept of a memory is some kind of a physical storage for data in all its possible forms and/or for running certain apps or thingamabobs. But leaving behind the technicalities of worldly pre-occupations, a memory is simply a recall for man. It is a personal storage of everything and anything we experience, feel. It is personal in the sense that it varies from person to person no matter how identical the moment or the experience might be for that two persons.

Then why do i hate memories? I hate how subjective they can be, how they can speak of unproven truths and of made-credible lies. So okay, hating memories is something rather pointless. I know. But how come memories can never be proven? How can something as precious as memories be constantly subjected to change within the premises of a wishful mind? Can it not be stored in some kind of database wherein everything can be preserved as it is? Apparently no. And we are so far away from doing that...if humanity as a whole even sees the need for it.

WELL ANYWAYS! :))

I'm just in the mood to rant about something. I just didn't want yesterday to end that's why. Well i could've said it directly but then the purpose of a blog would be defeated. haha. And i'd be sad if that be the case. My yesterday was something i never wanted to turn into a yesterday in the first place. That's why im blabbing about memories and stuff. Yesterday, i really had fun all throughout the day...Knight and Day :"> Haha. So im starting to get hazy in writing.

Im going to enumerate why yesterday should never have ended but it ended nonetheless so im just going to enumerate why it is one of the best yesterdays to date:

1. My friend Thomas, who is vying for CCS' Achiever Scholar, had really good voting results so all of our sweat and embarrassing harassments to fellow lasallian students paid off,

2. The FORMDEV training I and my other friends are attending to become facilitators turned into a really interesting and spiritually nourishing session. We even extended for almost an hour for it. :)

3. And i got to watch knight and day! :) :">

4. I got to eat hugs and kisses ice cream which issss really good by the waaaay! I missed eating this kind of ice creamm, and by this kind i mean an ice cream which is not named Animo Cup. I can still imagine the kisses at the top, with the cherry which i didn't eat, haha, with the cream i know he doesn't eat, with the chocolate syrup at the bottom...*drools* it was just fantastic...not to mention...:">

Well that's about it:)

But realizing another day is bound to come, making the yesterday i so loved turn into a more distant memory is really irritating. Haha. I bet he doesnt really care bout it, but i do. Howell! Time flies and even if you stop counting it...it still wont. You can never win against time so just befriend it. :))


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12:30's make me emo. A random post impulsive post.

Sometimes i cant help but wonder whether or not i am where im supposed to be. Looking back, nothing fits perfectly in the vision i had of me of the future. I reminisce how i have been in the past years - stressfully happy for the things i love doing. Writing, for the most part. It pains me to remember the fact that me being an official writer is nothing but a mere memory, an illusion i might sometimes mistake for, if not for these old school papers that i keep where i shall be able to glance at it everyday. I am bitter, i should say, that the language i am teaching myself to understand and live with is light years away from the language which i used ever so often back then. I can no longer be what i wanted to be when i was still naive of the world yet so full of zest for life. Will i ever be the same? Or was i even the same in the first place? Was it my mere dreaming that's confusing me of what i really was? Im starting to hate being awake as another day unfolds and suffer early morning contemplations that more often than not, speak of the truth that i so deliberately hide from myself every single day of my monotonous life. I am not ranting, im not asking for more, im not even trying to prove a point long forgotten into oblivion. Im plainly sad. Sad at not being able to do something that i have long convinced my self was a part of who i was*am?*. Something which i believed to define me as a human being among the other billions of billions ofr atom-comprised beings who like me like to ponder on things and depress themselves. I wish i could turn back time. I wish i had someone right here with me to lend a shoulder. But no one is, im alone and its dark and the only face i see is one that i have been so familiar with yet i havent got a clue to how her mind really works or what her heart says or why even so. She looks me straight in the eye, and just as i always do, i flash her a fake smile ive perfected so long ago.

- forgive me for the typos, grammatical errors and the like. product only of a surge of emotions.



I feeeel empty. So emo. I hate it.
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Car Rears!

Okay. so my title has both nothing and everything to do with my recent blab.

Just this morning, i was forced to get out of bed, with my eyelids still failing to divorce, and once again meet the early morning rush head on. Today is of course not a school day but i still absent-mindedly asked manong driver to give me a student discount.

"Bayad po...makisuyo. Salamat po. LRT po yan..ESTUDYANTE!"

yesssssss...there was a lot of emphasis on the "Estudyante" part. Don't blame me! For two straight days i have been riding the same jeepney with the same manong driver who by any twist of luck doesn't know what the so-called discount for hard-working-freaking-students is. He would take 9php as my fare when it should only have been 7php. Now you would tell me why on earth wont i give to the more needy driver a meager 2php? I would like to answer you but that would be off topic my recent blab. Maybe some other post, that is if i remember.

Now upon hearing my conviction-filled muttering of "Estudyante," manong was like...

"Miss,Sabado ngayon. Lunes hanggang Biyernes lang may discount ang mga estudyante."

He then flashed a smile that looked so scriptedly-irritating, just like how the man who said he uses clear in the commercial did it. Goodness gracious naman manong where is justice? Well i could've exploded but i was too lazy for it so i let out a lazy...

"Okaaaay.*ikaw na saulo pagkakasunod-sunod ng araw sa buong linggo!*"

Still uncontented with his easy victory over a soupy-student-discount-asking student, he had the nerve to look me straight in the eye and in another irritating smiley face asked me where i have gotten on. I was like manong where is peace?! However, as usual im just a little puppy hiding in the shadows of a big monster so i was like...

"Katipunan po."

I bet manong was too fond of himself he'll buy his jeep a new interior. Well, he should.

So where did i have to go to suffer this unfateful circumstance?

For our Personal Effectiveness Two (Persef2) subject, we were required to attend this seminar on Career Opportunities in the Corporate world. Rummaging my way into the jungle of the LRT in a business wear was the top of my concerns but what suddenly skyrocketed to defeat this was the fact that i have always been questioning myself whether i belong to cs or not and here i am attending a career talk on something i am unsure of!!! Gaaaah.

My being unsure of CS has long been an issue between me and myself. Today i have come to realize, i'd win and lose both ways so i'd rather stick to where i am now and just try to make the most out of this. Yes, i am unsure of CS, but that doesn't mean i don't love it. I just can't see myself a couple of years from now...so i have fears. But i never really thought that it might just be the other way around. I'm not seeing myself several years from now because i have fears! I know i just have to let go of fear, to not let it drown me into oblivion.

Now that being resolved, I promise to never doubt my love for cs ever again! I love cs!!! :)))

Truth be told, this should've been filled with my rants and uncertainties regarding my current state. But it suddenly dawned upon me that i must not make a sad thing sadder by thinking of the saddest things. Funny but true, whenever we feel bad, we humans tend to make matters worse by refueling the fire of gloom within us. This does not even in the slightest of ways help, hence, we should as much as possible try to avoid that.

Sooo yeah. Positivity positivity. I'm suddenly cutting this post short. Still have some hw's to do, quizzes to study for, and a life to manage. :))

Positivity positivity =))

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