Grabe. Siguro nga baliw talaga ako. laging nakatawa, nakanganga kahit walang dahilan. Madalas akong hyper, isama mo pa ang bunganga ko. And, ayon sa recent findings ko, meron akong na-unravel na talaga namang isang ambitious feat!tanan!haha
Ngayon ko lang napagtanto na logical lang na malungkot o madepress ako ng walang dahilan. Bobo ko kasi ngayon ko lang nadiscover yun (waw pang-research!), ngayon na umaatake siya!haha. Masarap palang tumawa kahit na pikon na pikon ka na sa wala lang. Pero ewan ko talaga, di naman ako dadatnan kasi kakaron ko pa lang ( i-reveal ba?!). haha.
Pero dahil isa akong marangal na eintein na dinadaan lahat ng bagay sa careful reasoning na iniinfer from keen observations ang possible causes through thorough investigations and the scientific method (anu kamo?!haha).,natheorize ko na one of the following ang probable reason kung bakit ganito ako:
1. genetically mutated ako - (pero intrinsic siya, and does not manifest in the physique). yun, somewhere beyond the vastness ng angog ko siguro naghahide ang abnormality ng DNA ko. Siguro may sobra at kulang akong chromosome. Or! Baka may chromosome na sakin lang mahahanap!hahah.
2. lack of sunlight - anyway hindi naman talaga ako naniniwala na totoo ang observation ni Mr. Sumthing-whatever na lack of sunlight may cause or increase the feeling of depression. As a matter-of-fact, baka nga lalo pa akong maasar sa sunlight kasi iitim/mapapawisan ako. I'm a human faucet pa naman. Gosh, bakit di pa ko kunin ni mars ravelo as a superheroine!haysows, charonimous the human faucet. haha. Tapos unemployed na nyan mga bumberorista, ako na lang kasi ang apt for the job. bummer. wag na nga lang. (hey i thought this was about lack of sunlight!) Back to the topic, ilang siglo na rin kasing hindi umuulan dito sa Forks- este Tabaco. Extinct na nga mga toko kasi di na sila useful. Walang kwenta kasi alam na ng mga tao na uulan lang naman kinabukasan kaya sabi ni mareng toko, why bother? oh diba sosial.
3. bipolar ako - possible naman di ba?! di ko nga lang alam kung anu talaga ang exact at technical meaning ng pagiging bipolar. Di naman siguro yung may special ability na mag-adapt sa north and south pole no?allergic kasi ako sa lamig. haha. Anyway, kurniks. if ever bipolar ako, rare case ang nasakin. haha.
4. psychotic ako - haha. siguro masiyadong onti ang convulusions ng brain ko kaya nahihirapan nasiyang ihiwalay ang figment ng aking creative imagination at ng aking frivolous reality. sabi na nga ba, dapat inESPED NA ko ni mommy. Ay mama pala.
5. pagod ako - malamang! KAw ba naman magsayaw ng cotillion na may, like what? a million burads!sows! not to mention nagpapractice for a practicum na boogie (which i totally lurve, kaya no regrets here!haha) and maglakad from your house to your room na like what? walking distance!hahaha! basta, pagod na ako. mag-isip. makiramdam. charing!
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T: si charonimous 2 ang kili-kili!1,2,3! (si charonimous dalawa ang kili-kili, 1,2,3!)
C: ay bingi. hahah.
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ayun. at naubus din ang, if ever meron, mental juice ko. pero naisip ko rin, hindi naman siguro ako baliw. i mean, sabi nga ni mr. echoz-care ko, he who accepts to be insane, proves to have sanity. he who flaunts sanity, has to see a psychiatrist. hindi niya naman talaga esakto yan sinabi, inimprove ko na lang para may art. haha. basta, yun na yun. kailangan lang alam natin kung kailan ilalabas ang pagiging insane at kung kailan ito icacamaflouge sa nakangangang bibig. And at of this moment, hindi ko na alam kung anu ba talaga ang central idea na pingarerevolvevan ng post kong ito. Kung tungkol ba sa discovery ko, sa theories, sa extinction ng species, sa komiks, hay ewan!basta!hindi ko rin alam kung bakit umbra. ay alam ko pala.
haha.
intermission lang pala yung conversation ni T at C. Mga ugag yan. bow.
p.s.
"It hurts to have everything and nothing at the same time."
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L doesn't only stand for losers.
It stands for lessons learned.
It stands for lives changed.
It stands for bonds linked.
It stands for love, in every form.
It stands for things that are left, when everything that seemed right has left.
When you Lose, don't lose the Lessons.
p.s.
What you don't know won't hurt you. But what you know you don't know aches.
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When i say wild, i mean wild.
Daydreaming is like no other for me. I mean, if the daydreaming you know even has the same meaning as the daydreaming in my sorta egotistic world. First of all, I myself get wired up in figuring out why these thoughts squeeze themselves through the already complex convolusions of my brain. Second of all, i just don't get it. haha. Well anyway, here's a list of my inate aspirations and dreams *as the world tongues it* and the exacerbation of it's ultimate weirdness and wildness:
Charonimous dreams of:
1. Being an astronaut - yeah right. But i do, like every filthy child playing bare naked in the equally filthy world, dream of reaching for the farthest star. I would also like to prove to my pets that the sky isn't the limit. Just the boundary of life..or so we think. I am yet to prove you that. :)
2. Having superpowers - specifically, the power to control time. This silly dream of mine started when i was still in elementary. Funny but as i hung around with time i realized that this power is, how do i say this uhm.,powerful, as in. ahaha. However what's funnier is that i gave birth to this dream when i didn't know an answer to a stupid test item that i wanted to stop time and scan my notes. haha. *wow, cheating can bring about good stuffs as well huh, never thought of that ha!*
3. Having a superb singing voice - I'm actually not the type that causes the raging rains, just the type that does mini-concerts in the shower. I am, moreover, envious of people who have excellent singing voices. I mean, if i'm a powerbelter i can simply join singing contests and earn enough money to go to disneyland, right? However since i do not have a great singing voice, i stuck with my pseudo-luck in writing. So as of now i'm trying to earn as much by triftily budgeting pocket moneys provided by the school. haha. *curse the global financial crisis*
4. Dying - Now this may probably be the wildest of my innate dreams. I mean, people are scared of death, but i want to die! haha. Not htat i'm suicidal, i love my life andi'd be thrilled to live beyond 2012. I'm just curious of how things will be when i die. Would people cry, rejoice? I don't know. This is what boggles me. But the twist in this wish of mine is that since i have the power of time, i can simply turn back time and go back before the time of my death, and save myself!wee!
5. Being confined in the hospital - I don't eat fruits and vegetables. Is it me, or is my body simply amazing!haha! I have never, in my entire life,(except of course during birth) been confined in the hospital. I just wonder if sleeping in the hospital bed would feel different. Nothing much. hehe
6. Being the first lady - hey, i want an awful lot of shoes too!
7. Being an average student - Not that i'm bragging about my status as a student. But i believe being in the esep curriculum has built half of the reputation of mine. During the times when we teeter at the verge of exploding because of mountain steep schoolwork, esep students, *may i generalize?* just simply dream to become an average student. It actually is the gatepass to the world of more regular and less stressing stuffs to take care of.
8. Being a boy - I just wan't to try if AXE really does work. hmm.
9. Being rich - well, i'm human. haha. but i honestly am contented with my life now. hihi.
10. Blogging - wish granted.
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cliche.cliche.cliche.
And just when you thought this is a romantic love story.
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A teacher is known to be a fountain of knowledge for the thirsty, and a fastfood chain for the hungry. However, that day, mam taught me something way beyond the textbooks. Something that i'll be keeping for a lifetime. Or even until this material body of mine decomposes and aid another plant to continue the cycle of life.
We had a talk, but not as teacher-student. She wasn't asking me a question to test if i was paying attention, nor was I inquiring about the lesson. We were simply two people talking about life, as it was manifesting itself. I was a human being, and so was she. That was it.
I honestly didn't know why i wanted that conversation to take place, but i did. And the reason was soon to be revealed.
Almost everything about this year was hitting the boundary of grief and I was teettering at the brink of transforming into a product of 21st century loners - an emo. However, that was never an option of mine so I just dropped the thought.
I was seeking for peace of mind, and something to shut my conscience up. But it seemed that I NEEDED help, and i couldn't turn to anyone(except chis, and others) who can give me a mature advice. I was being tormented silently at the thought of someone suffering because of me.
That's when her words struck me, like a bolt of lightning piercing through my heart, and through the thin glass that cups my tears.
" Its why they tell you, the more you hate, the more you love. The more the person has invested feelings of love for you, the more he/she will get hurt and hate you because of dissapointment. He/She has loved you, that's why he/she may hate you. He/She won't get mad if she didn't care."
She need not say it again, nor elaborate, just like in our daily class lectures. She has made her point, a point well taken, and a point treasured.
To mam, thank you so much po.
To mam pang isa, thank you din po.
And to mam, i'm SORRY.
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