chArONIMOUS

realizations.

they come.

some easily.

others?

they take time.

and mine came unknowingly but easily.or should i say easily but unknowingly.

have you ever had that feeling of being down for no reason at all?grr.it pisses me off when someone tells me that he feels depressed with no apparent reason and it gives me the wadahekyou'relyingtomepooryouiknowyouare feeling.hmp.but it was a slap to my face to find out that it can happen. it nearly knocked me down realizing that it was happening to me.shucks.end of the world na ba?

anyway, here i was taking the test in advance chemistry with a mind wandering into the 3rd dimension of this oblivious world i subconciously created.i got to the farthest kingdom of my fantasy and void world before it came to me that we had already taken the test in math (pre-calculus and calculus).the result?be my guest.

argh.

i hated the feeling of depression but what i despised the most was not being able to tell why the hell im feeling that stupid way!shucks to the ten millionth power. i was even convinced that i was no longer in the proper line of thinking.

i thought i was going mad.i got paranoid,what if i suddenly felt the urge to eat human flesh?what if malevolence came and seduced me?what if i got the psychotic feeling of murdering ants once more?

OA.

but what IS happening to me?

the realization happened after i stopped questioning and let the silence engulf my being. boom!voila!eureka!there it was, the answer to my quandaries.

i have long been blind to this painful truth in my life. I have been living with this kind of "thing" since the time i decided to live this way. it hurts to realize i have been blind with this issue. but it hurts more to know that i can no longer change the current state of things happening this way.

in this war.

i won and i lost over me.

p.s.

Looks can deceive.

True enough.

But the thought of being deceived deceives more.