chArONIMOUS

Well, when i say FAKING, I'M NOT SAYING THAT I'M TRYING TO BE SOMEONE WHO I REALLY AM NOT. This is a quite different and more sensitive issue to touch.

And i am Charonimous. I don't fake my being.

With that issue cleared, let us move on to the purpose of this writing - to cry my heart out. The past few days have been a rollercoaster ride of feelings i couldnt easily show. And considering the fact that people confine me to only one type of emotion, i struggle. As corny as it sounds, the realization i had the earlier months still bog down my feelings. Though i constantly am able to go back to my normal self (or normal for the people around me) it still pierces my heart to hear, see and feel things i honestly don't want to encounter anymore. i know i am being more murky than specific in this writing, well that's because i am actually happy and contented now with the way things go round. but still i can't help to put into writing my emotions.

well the problem with me is that i want to have an outlet, but now that i have found one, seems that my brain dries up and runs out of things to let out. Maybe this itself is a manifestation that i have been faking things for quite a long time that being honest to even myself is becoming a hard toil. woo.

but it is EASIER TO FAKE your feelings THAN TO FIND YOURSELF DETAILING EVERYTHING AND RISK BEING MISINTERPRETED.

woo.again.

But i do not completely fake, i guess so. I just hide things that i know won't really matter to people around me, i discreetly mend my own wounds. I weigh things that may impact on people i care for - a lot.

And actually am thE charonimous invented by my parents. I :), i :(, i get :/ but i :D a lot. and that is me.

well, maybe i wasnt faking after all. maybe i was just rationalizing my actions, stumbling into finding the brighter light.

maybe i was just faking faking it.

:P

p.s.

"Which is better? Faking being real or Being real, unjustly?"

or do i even make sense.