chArONIMOUS

L doesn't only stand for losers.

It stands for lessons learned.

It stands for lives changed.

It stands for bonds linked.

It stands for love, in every form.

p.s.

What you don't know won't hurt you. But what you know you don't know aches.

Daydreaming is like no other for me. I mean, if the daydreaming you know even has the same meaning as the daydreaming in my sorta egotistic world. First of all, I myself get wired up in figuring out why these thoughts squeeze themselves through the already complex convolusions of my brain. Second of all, i just don't get it. haha. Well anyway, here's a list of my inate aspirations and dreams *as the world tongues it* and the exacerbation of it's ultimate weirdness and wildness:

Charonimous dreams of:

1. Being an astronaut - yeah right. But i do, like every filthy child playing bare naked in the equally filthy world, dream of reaching for the farthest star. I would also like to prove to my pets that the sky isn't the limit. Just the boundary of life..or so we think. I am yet to prove you that. :)

2. Having superpowers - specifically, the power to control time. This silly dream of mine started when i was still in elementary. Funny but as i hung around with time i realized that this power is, how do i say this uhm.,powerful, as in. ahaha. However what's funnier is that i gave birth to this dream when i didn't know an answer to a stupid test item that i wanted to stop time and scan my notes. haha. *wow, cheating can bring about good stuffs as well huh, never thought of that ha!*

3. Having a superb singing voice - I'm actually not the type that causes the raging rains, just the type that does mini-concerts in the shower. I am, moreover, envious of people who have excellent singing voices. I mean, if i'm a powerbelter i can simply join singing contests and earn enough money to go to disneyland, right? However since i do not have a great singing voice, i stuck with my pseudo-luck in writing. So as of now i'm trying to earn as much by triftily budgeting pocket moneys provided by the school. haha. *curse the global financial crisis*

4. Dying - Now this may probably be the wildest of my innate dreams. I mean, people are scared of death, but i want to die! haha. Not htat i'm suicidal, i love my life andi'd be thrilled to live beyond 2012. I'm just curious of how things will be when i die. Would people cry, rejoice? I don't know. This is what boggles me. But the twist in this wish of mine is that since i have the power of time, i can simply turn back time and go back before the time of my death, and save myself!wee!

5. Being confined in the hospital - I don't eat fruits and vegetables. Is it me, or is my body simply amazing!haha! I have never, in my entire life,(except of course during birth) been confined in the hospital. I just wonder if sleeping in the hospital bed would feel different. Nothing much. hehe

6. Being the first lady - hey, i want an awful lot of shoes too!

7. Being an average student - Not that i'm bragging about my status as a student. But i believe being in the esep curriculum has built half of the reputation of mine. During the times when we teeter at the verge of exploding because of mountain steep schoolwork, esep students, *may i generalize?* just simply dream to become an average student. It actually is the gatepass to the world of more regular and less stressing stuffs to take care of.

8. Being a boy - I just wan't to try if AXE really does work. hmm.

9. Being rich - well, i'm human. haha. but i honestly am contented with my life now. hihi.

10. Blogging - wish granted.

cliche.cliche.cliche.

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A teacher is known to be a fountain of knowledge for the thirsty, and a fastfood chain for the hungry. However, that day, mam taught me something way beyond the textbooks. Something that i'll be keeping for a lifetime. Or even until this material body of mine decomposes and aid another plant to continue the cycle of life.

We had a talk, but not as teacher-student. She wasn't asking me a question to test if i was paying attention, nor was I inquiring about the lesson. We were simply two people talking about life, as it was manifesting itself. I was a human being, and so was she. That was it.

I honestly didn't know why i wanted that conversation to take place, but i did. And the reason was soon to be revealed.

Almost everything about this year was hitting the boundary of grief and I was teettering at the brink of transforming into a product of 21st century loners - an emo. However, that was never an option of mine so I just dropped the thought.

I was seeking for peace of mind, and something to shut my conscience up. But it seemed that I NEEDED help, and i couldn't turn to anyone(except chis, and others) who can give me a mature advice. I was being tormented silently at the thought of someone suffering because of me.

That's when her words struck me, like a bolt of lightning piercing through my heart, and through the thin glass that cups my tears.

" Its why they tell you, the more you hate, the more you love. The more the person has invested feelings of love for you, the more he/she will get hurt and hate you because of dissapointment. He/She has loved you, that's why he/she may hate you. He/She won't get mad if she didn't care."

She need not say it again, nor elaborate, just like in our daily class lectures. She has made her point, a point well taken, and a point treasured.

To mam, thank you so much po.

To mam pang isa, thank you din po.

And to mam, i'm SORRY.