Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts

Of Songs and Blind People

Whenever we teeter at the brink of seeming emo-ness or plain music craving, we humans have this certain song, or at least a certain feel of a song we particularly yearn for. Whether it be a mushy love song, a corny comic song or an up beat one, we just know our spirits just won't get settled unless we get to march with its melody.

Within two days, i have played Super Junior's No Other 61 times, watching the mv excluded. Probably some would tell me, do you even understand the lyrics? I probably don't, verbatimly. But the song has this particular effect on me. The one that makes me lighten up, paint an upward curve on my hesitant lips and see the brighter side of things. It's like you could feel the sincerity, you could feel that indeed for them there is no other to whom they could compare the one they love. I remember just yesterday i told a friend of mine who commented that my FB status was so deep that he has to be "in it" to get it. And indeed, no other makes you feel as if you are the one being serenaded. I'm not "fangirling" here. It's just that songs, in general make people...genuine people. It has this power to rip man off of his cloak of pretensions.

On a bigger picture, songs are probably one of God's greatest gift that man has came to know. Songs, no matter how grand or simple, how famous or how personal, in fact is a one-size-fits-all trade. It doesn't discriminate like each of us does, it doesn't judge, doesn't look at who should be and should be not. It simply welcomes everyone brave enough to sing its notes, regardless of the tune which humans so often strain into getting right not knowing that melodies are useless without the heart that conveys its sincerity.

A lot of things can be said on the veracity of the human heart. Is being a human enough criteria to have a human heart? And how human can a human be?

Songs are just like humans, i must say. We tend to be deceiving, just like how titles can very well mislead you. We tend to be emotional, comical, mellow, hyper, romantic and a lot more million states we get ourselves into. A single song cannot encompass the vastness of all the possible emotions the human heart and mind is capable of, however in an ironical note, a single song can encapsulate the sentiments of an incapable heart. This happens when a certain song so freakishly fits in into our current situation that we even call it the theme song of our life, for now, at least. We also tend to look for certain voices that we feel can fit our mood, melody, tune, timbre and all but in the end, we never realize that it is not us who gets to choose who shall sing our melodies, but rahter the singer itself. All we can do is sit back and wait for them to get in the mood and feel the silent beats of our hearts that shall soon have a duet.

Sometimes, too, we feel so alone, just like how a dusty cassette tape must've been feeling right now. We feel so left out, forgotten, and this is when we start to reminisce moments of nostalgic immersions. We start to border on some imaginary line that divide us from the word. But we'll just get this surprise of a revival. Just when we think life has given up on us, someone unexpected comes, and gives us hope...revives our music and sings our melody in a whole new arrangement.

Isn't it amazing how God has been able to make everything an implicit part of each other, if not an utter clone? Indeed it is. But now is still not the time when humanity will finally realize the beauty of things just before our very eyes.

I started with songs but ended in man's blindness on the world's true beauty. But don't you worry dear reader and self, everything is an implicit part of each other. So in a sense, your intro still fits with your conclusion.

Fear not of those make believe writing constraints. :)
Category: 4 comments

Not me!(my washing of the hands)

I HAVE NOT BEEN WRITING FOR LONG. In fact, It may be considered quite a while since i've last tongued my randoms feelings and/or rants that swim around my bloggled mind and malfunctioning heart. True. I have failed to update this now stagnant site and my bank of not-so secret feelings.
However, i still wonder why through such abrupt circumstances, the will power, the urge, the push to write and express grew oblivious. Hold the thought! Cause as human as it sounds, it would give me much pleasure to take the blame off my very sleeves and throw it to someone/something else.

The human mind really is as fascinating as its mysteries. How foolish must it be to believe whatever it is that i am about to put into writing today. (at this moment i am irked with the fact that i honestly don't know where to go with the things that i'm blabbing about.,crap!) I am planning to make up silly excuses for my incapacity to maintain this cave of my disturbing perceptions 'till the thought escaped me. Darn. I have not written for long and now it seems that i am not able to write anything of substance. However, i think i have fat lots of reasonable reasons to compensate for everything else.

Blaming it on stress. On the numerous winning, losing, losing, losing, losing, and er, have i mentioned losing and yeah, losing contests. Blaming it on studies, the quizzes, long tests, reports, researches. Blaming it on the rain, sunlight, rain, sunlight and another million of that continuous cycle. Blaming it on nonbiodegradable wastes. On plastics that fermented-kefir can't degrade.Blaming it on climate change, pollution, child exploitation, dirty politics. Blaming it on Akon. On lousy singers that make it at the top of the charts. Blaming it on pornography, fhm, maxim, and other lame magazines.

Yeah. Those stuffs. And these more:

Blaming it on politicians,authors and engineers (of anomalies). Blaming it on broken dreams, frustrations, failures and dirty bedrooms. On dusty ceilings and backrooms. Blaming it on boring lives, physics problems and spag shortages. Blaming it on lost pieces. On forgotten melodies, on melancholical novels. Blaming it on TWILIGHT. On the non-existent edward cullen or carlisle, and villains that turn into goodguys when loved. Blaming it on Patricia Evangelista.

Blaming it on unrecognizable usbs. On trojan viruses. On putos worth 4php. On inspiring songs. On expiring songs. Blaming it on anti-christs. Blaming it on Barak Obama, and Bush. Blaming it on broken families, early marriages, divorce, annulment, teenage pregnancy. Blaming it on the dream fight. On pacquiao's english profficiency, de la hoya's abs.

In short. Blaming it on the whole wild and wide milky way galaxy. Blaming it on everybody and everything else, EXCEPT me.

I believe these reasons shall be enough to fool my gullible convolution-etched brain. Enough to make it believe that he's off the hook. Enough to manipulate the understanding, the intellect, the stupidity and the moronic tendency to make it succumb, enough to convince you to nod.

Enough to deceive the psyche.
Ironically, I refuse to consider.
Category: 0 comments

Seniors No More :(


Nothing shall stay, is what I’d say
But goodbye, it pains in every way
And we will stand to the very day
We cry our sentiments, we cry for we may



No more “spag” on crowded beak times
No more sneaking into the wildlife
No more homey rooms to mess and clean
Or discreet laughter on clean and green

No more “Not yet ma’am!” on nosebleed-tests
Nor “1/4 please, my dearest friend”
No more “may we please go to the CR?”
To be back with chips and yummy c. bars

No more silly games on sunny days
Or jokes galore and cramming ways
No more “Yes I aced the test!”
Nor “No! I have no prep!”

High school IS a living dream
Of friends and families and loves to keep
Bonds, goodbye can never break
A test of time we all can make.










p.s.




Forgive me but here i go again being emo-ish on the fact that we are graduating. argh.




:(
Category: 5 comments

A Not-So-Thrilling-Actually-Kinda-Boring Title

I just thought that the title of a post, itself, should suit the topic perfectly and through the help of a much-needed divine intervention, I came up with this not-s0-thrilling-actually-kinda-boring title to match my not-even-close-to-thrilling-actually-kinda-boring November 1!*whew*
Yes. Unlike any other November 1s all over the world, I believe no one has suffered anything more unproductive than the November 1 that passed beyond my silly reach. In fact, I thought I was at the verge of dying that day (thanks to my unprecedented sickness that loomed over my shimmering plans for the day), or more likely traversing the path from dynamism to uhm..er..passivism(?). haha!
Well, that "stupid illness" started 2 days before that..that..thing (thing refers to presscon.,haha.,di pa talaga makaget-over?yuck.). I had this lump at the side of my neck. There were 2 things on my mind regarding that. It was either my tonsilitis was getting worse and it was developing into an incurable cancer or I was transforming into a mutant that my mom told me I really was [and I soon will be working on monstrous plans to invade the earth and rule the universe!*evil laugh*]Nooooooo! But much to my relief, it was neither. Haha. *Although the transformation into a mutant was quite more plausible*
Too much for that. So that illness stuck to me like superglue that until the first day of November I was plastered unto the bed, motionless and helpless!:( Okay so I wasn't motionless nor helpess:), but I was energy-less!haha.:D The brilliant vibe that floundered within me was momentarily given its own holiday. sheesh!:/
So my mother and newly-transformed Manila-boy bro *haha.,hi bro!* decided to leave behind the helpless me to rest and regain mortality as they stroll amidst the Gaisano Mall with smiles etched on their cunning faces!!!!!haha*okay so a little bit of exaggeration here* and of course thay also went to visit the grave of our beloved ones in Albay.
And so i was afraid, i was petrified! All by myseeeeelf!!Poor me!!:(
Until blessings were bestowed to those who wait [and text]. Thanks to my saviour Maria Gracia Acogido!haha! I was able to escape the cocoon of boredom and unproductivity!At least i was able to stretch my legs and let blood circulate up into my brain once more!haha. We were supposed to go saba-ing but who the hell would open his/her sabahan for nov. 1?!haha. So we just bought Snowpys worth 15php and ate like it was the only food on earth, we strolled around the LCC Mall, "at home kita digdi!" and we laughed. hehe. jejeje!
haaay. Hmm. Some of my classmates were even inviting me to go perya-ing with them at camp saint but it was already dark and I'm not quite familiar with the place so i let it pass!
Hey, i might actually need to correct myself. It wasn't that boring! It was actually a November 1 like no other!awee!
:)
p.s.
Happiness does not choose you. You choose Happiness.
:)
Category: 2 comments

Of leaders and followers




Since God is god and God is wise, he decided to breathe into existence two types of being – the first one he called the leader and the other he called the follower. He posed that they go forth, multiply and fill the world with their kind. And so they did. The leader took off first, and the follower simply followed…


I was still a raw 11-year old when I first tasted the glory of a school election campaign. And I was also eleven when my misfortune came in the form of defeat. Yes, I considered myself popular then since I was the campus figure but defeat met me and shook my hand…and my world gradually. I was undignified, not because I lost, but because I lost in an unjust war. I fought fair but they fought dirty. In short, I lost the election and the drive that once floundered in my veins.


Or so I thought…


A year later I again found myself standing in front of high school freshies talking my way into having my name in their vote lists. The enthusiasm hadn’t left me after all; it just sat still in my heart and waited for another knock. But fate itself was tricky enough to feed me my second defeat. That was it, I thought. I was not meant to be a leader and I will never be one. I was only meant to realize this detrimental truth sooner or later.


A child’s heart wasn’t designed to carry a mature burden such as that. It was only structured to cry over an aching tooth or a balloon that flew into the outer space. My childish heart was childishly weeping for not a childish motive. So I dropped every tiny-weensy idea of having to run again for position and I just continued to focus on my academic work. I thought that the more I get busy, the more I get to forget the throbbing pain of having to be denied twice in a row. I locked my decisions into no longer laying even a single finger at leadership organizations and stuff like that. I subconsciously made the decision to simply be the follower.


What for? I am going to be defeated anyways.


So my sophomore year was utterly peaceful that I forgot my self-pity-inducing experience the year before, and the year before that. But that was only until the near-end of the school year. Before the year officially ended, the invisible string that I thought had detached from me was AGAIN pulling me toward the path to running for the Supreme Student Organization of our school. I grabbed the opportunity.

And that was the decision that changed my perception of life, my being. I realized that in everything and everyone, there will come a time, they’ll all grow tired. I grew tired of losing, failing and being defeated. Funny, defeat it self, gave up on me that time.


…The leader lead and the follower lagged behind. He stood and simply watched the leader do things, all for the first time since the earth was as fresh as their flesh. Leader ordered, follower followed. The leader lead, the follower followed well.


All of these happened in the past years of my colorful high school life. In fact, I am no longer an officer of the highest organization of our school. However, during my reign as the vice- president I was exposed to things I never would have encountered if I had chickened out at the last minute and failed myself more than anyone else. The experience was not only about having the position but actually learning to lead properly and by heart. I used to be the follower. But I grew tired of simply following when I knew all along I could lead, with the help of course of my experiences in when I was still a follower.


I had also defied my being having been tested many a time by failures and rejections of the thing that I really aspired for. Maybe, if I had never taken the risk once more, and let myself be bogged down by the chain of letdowns I have experienced, I never would have been me -the Charo that I am today.


The leader grew tired of leading, but the follower didn’t. He instead started to initiate and asked for the cooperation of the leader. The leader asked why, so the follower said…


“It is not that a good leader is a good follower, it’s just that he knows how to be a follower so he truly understands the essence of leading and becoming a great leader.”


And I found myself saying…”Yes, I had been the follower. And now is my time to lead.”








i made this sometime ago.,can't remember..just happened to stumble to it.,





XD
Category: 1 comments

A pocketful of sunshine.

Well, i do have a pocketful of sunshine. And i guess that's one thing that kept me alive.haha!This week has been a rollercoaster-ride of frivolous emotions that i thought would end the last of me!haha. Well anyway, i still am alive and is very much able to write a post about it.

Hmm, to tongue these happenings, let me start!

Throughout these troubled days of my usually not-so troubled days, i realized i was weak and strong at the same time, after all. I unveiled my own superpowers lingering just within the very essence of my being.(wow so ako naman ang wonderwoman!haha) Indeed tough times call for tougher guts, and i got 'em covered baby!haha. What i'm trying to say is that during times when we thought we'll be lost and we'll be drowned in the emptiness, we realize the worth of people and things around us, we realize who we really are, what we are made of and what we are when things that we hold on to (leech-like kapit.,haha) suddenly (but with all justification in the whole milkyway) and almost as instanly vanish (or so i thought it had). You'll never really get to the point of appreciating a person or a possession to the max if in the first place, you never felt the feeling of lossing it. And it gives us extra batteries.

Yes, much a cliche as it is, it holds truth to the very core.
But hell do you not try to intentionally lose these priceless possessions you keep, nothing on earth is ever gonna be like it.

Hmmm. So, the week before last week I attended Physics period with swollen eyes. I was darn embarassed with my appearance but i couldn't bear missing the period so i went to school anyway. That morning as i got home, i got the most unexpected news about someone superhyperultramega close to me(a relative po) that i couldn't help by cry. I cried the whole lunchbreak and not even my mom could comfort me. I felt weak for the reason that there was nothing i could do for the person i care for so much, but sulk. I endured the negative thoughts for the whole aftrnoon and continued the depression just that night. (hehe.,mmk).

Just a few days after, i noticed things getting out of hand at school and inside of me, 'till confrontations happened. I was actually aware of the fact but kept a blind eye to it. I never thought that i was already out of my bounds(or maybe i kept on convincing myself that i was still within my limits.i don't know!) So the thing i feared the most happened. I was confronted with a daredevil situation challenging my sanity.

The most important people in my life are slowly drifting away, 1 i had to let go by herself so that she'll learn, the other, i had to shoo away for my sake and his and the last one i had to give space and enough time to regain what she has lost. Haaaaay, it was doomsday, i never thought i'd exist to this day!(haha, surprisingly i can humor these things now.)

I was dying, crumbling into pieces. I couldn't concentrate on the things i had to do. I broke the cup last time, i would always catch myself staring into oblivion and contained tears were flowing out like the raging reming.{i thought?} i lost myself too. If not yet, nearly.

But as i have said, i shall be waiting for every piece i lost, patiently and time unconsciously.
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Of People and Puzzle Pieces

Pain should have at least killed her. It nearly did, but it failed. It was either she was strong, or it was simply tolerable enough. I do doubt both.
But nevertheless, she felt like dying.
I believe that a person is a puzzle not because he needs to be solved, but he needs to find the pieces that could make him complete. What a person is when he dies is a collection of what he has been. A logbook, a summary, a paraphrase, a summation.
However there'll probably come a time when a person feels complete, Not in death yet, but by pure friendship and love. Consequently, a time too to be broken and nonetheless, incomplete.
Life can be so deceiving.
Now, i shall be waiting for the piece i lost.
Category: 4 comments

Just keep swimming!c:


I always have had that undying passion for optimism, and a little fishy that goes by the name of Dory.
I really can't tell why i want happiness to surround me, if not, i produce the happiness to surround the people i love. I want to see smiles always instead of tears, unless they are tears of joy. Well anyway, i met Dory in the most usual and ordinary way possible. have i mentioned we met as a matter of factly? Yeah, i mean in the most common way possible. Haha. That was just for emphasis.
At first, she was just nothing to me but a funny, biscuit-head(i'm sooo mean!) character that adds color to the story of finding nemo. But i was shamefully wrong!ENK!
As i continued to watch the film, her personality captured my heart and sympathy. She never failed to make me burst into laughters with her light-heartedness, and make my eyed cloud with tears as she unknowingly make people realize morals of the story at the same time. She has short-term memory loss( apparently incurable even with sustagen premium), she's kinda dull too, and obvioulsly she isnt a smarty pants, but inspite of that i can consider her as a perfect friend.
In the frivolous world we live in, we certainly need all the possitivity and the good vibes to come along. But obviously, we ourselves channel the wrong waves thus making us feel more depressed and chaotic. If i were with dory all day, i probably could have done everything i needeth done. We probably would have kept swimming all day, flushing out all the negativity!
Wee!
I love dory!!
p.s.
Its half empty?I consider it half full!
-Dory-
p.s.s.
see the essence?
c:
Category: 0 comments

My Own Independence Declaration!



I gave a cunning smile as I kissed my mom goodbye and tapped my brother’s back. A scent that rarely surrounds our abode lingered as the two packed their stuff. A silent glee formed in my heart for finally, independence spelled its way into my vocabulary.
In the entire 15 years of my living, never have I been left alone at home for days. So when my mom told me that she would be accompanying my brother at Manila for his first days as a college student, I felt a surge of excitement and anticipation. Ok, so I was also quite worried but it was like I was being officially labeled as a teen, which, I thought was totally awesome. So after making sure that I had everything I needed just within my reach, my mom, together with my brother left, giving the rest of the week of independence for me to indulge in.
I was actually envisioning a week of relaxation, fun, independence of course, and lesser stress. I was thinking that it is only me for myself, so there would be fewer worries. I can cook and eat whatever food I want, watch my favorite shows on TV non-stop, or surf the net unlimitedly. I can take a bath whenever a want, or I may not even take a bath! No one would know, for it is me for myself and only I would be the witness to my actions. A week of fun! Of independence sweeter than the first waving of the flag of the Philippines!
Or so I thought.
As the days passed, the experience was becoming...er...tormenting. It was kind of hard to admit at first because I was so excited to take on this challenge of independence and now, the only challenge I had to face was to force my mom to go home earlier than scheduled. I had never felt so helpless in my entire life. All the exact opposite of my visions happened. I was starting to have more stress because I had to do everything; I mean everything around the house. I had to clean, wash the dishes, sweep the floor, and while juggling around homework, review for quizzes and projects! It was a circus of mayhem!
God really is wise in making me realize these stuffs. There was more to independence than freedom. It spells freedom with its twin brother, responsibility. I was so thrilled to be labeled a teen that in the process I acted so childish looking at independence that way. I was too excited to grow up that I never realized that I was missing out on the greatest part of it, the journey itself.
And as I am writing this, my mom is again at Manila with my brother. And when she gets back, I’ll give her a cunning smile, a kiss in the cheek, a warm hug and again, a scent that have always surrounded our humble home will linger.
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THE SECRET GARDEN

oKay...okay. So it's not that secret, and neither is it a garden. Haha. But the journey itself being a hidden adventure was so so cool! And it is my pleasure to narrate the story behind the awesome and breath-taking epic journey!weeeeee!*gasps*


We (physics quizzers) had our first review today for the up coming sci-math competition and as usual, after a day's effort to add physics-induced convolutions to our brains, we decided to take on an epic journey and undertake the greatest challenge in the history of mankind - having walkathons via Jamaica mansions!(psycho sounds!) I know Jamaica sounds sooo chic and classy and everything but i tell you, behind those tiled walls lies a not so secret garden discovered only by those keen enough to see beyond the world of the civilized!!And today, we were lucky enough to have been called to fulfill the destiny. BUWAHAHAHAHAHA!


Anyhow, this may sound like an ordinary thing for almost everyone, but for me, it's one heck of a funfilled journey!First of all, (and duh) i live right next to the school campus thus i RARELY get the chance to attend walkathons and stuff like this. Second of all, i have never been to the not-so-secret garden beyond Jamaica Mansions, which by the way is just stones throw away from our house, and lastly, we have a "saba" session after the walkathon so i'ts gonna be totally lame if i won't be able to come.Totally. Haha. And besides, seniors na kami, make the best of our time beybeh!

Soooo, after almost a full hour of teasing me to death, (and mind you, it was me against 9 of them.,grabe!) we proceeded to the walkathons. Present were: Charonimous, jam, ivz, janowtz, ana(josa), jodie, sal, noel, phrem, pongz. I was quite overwhelmed first with the thought of walking to centro, haha, and mind you, via jamaica mansions!wahaha! Behind it's sosy walls, was a green paradise. But i was darn scared when we first had to jump off a mini-cliff. hehe. That was level one of the adventure. The fact that i am afraid of heights(and i mean it!) hindered me a lot, but duh.,i wouldn't want to lose a fight that has just begun, so i gathered the courage all my heart could sum up and jumped off!Voila!Iiiiiii'm stiiill aliiiiive!!wahaha!

Then caressing the fields, crossing rivers, hiking in the slippery mud followed. Though we all went out of the garden and into the civilization with muddy skirts and brownie-ish shoes, we also came out with pure happiness etched in our cute faces.haha. Certainly no one would have expected a magical garden to be there,behind the continuous and abrupt changes in the society that seem to have blown away completely the true meaning of happiness.

Anyway, it's getting late and all of that adventure sucked all of my energy, but reloaded me with happiness. Weeeeee!



And oh, one more thing, this was also a secret adventure. So don't tell my mom!(she doesn't know!*wink*)


p.s.

Happiness is greener over there.
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Little CHILDREN with blue cords.

we are little children with blue id cords.




God said:



"Einsteins, you're getting ahead of where you all should be. Tsktsk. Go to your room and be children!"

poof! children came frolicking at the school oval like gremlims showered with water, frogs caressed by the rain. Children racing for a lollipop like it was the last lollipop on earth.



well you can never be too young, nor too old. And we einsteins do believe that. and totally played the part. and totally got into it.
totally.

we are children.see:







we frolick in the grassy sea and hunt for worms!we chase frogs and keep them in our pockets!we fight over the games we play and over fighting over. we live. we laugh. we have fun.






in short, we don't just live maturely, we act immaturely but with all the maturity we can incorporate!haha.gets?we simply lived the life kanina. we played games, we laughed and laughed harder. we later on would cry knowing we can't laugh as hard as this sooner or later.haaay.






basta, today was such a day i sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo love. hahahaha.






im happy. they are happy. we all are happy. sana happiness is not temporary. sana.














p.s.


We are little children with blue cords. and i want my mommy!!!






:):):)
Category: 2 comments

Frozen memories.






Maybe the only thing that i learned to love so much about this world is that we can preserve memories we fear we may lose as the clock ticks. I fear i may forget, and be forgotten as well. Ehr, i gues everyone doesn't want to feel that way. The pain of parting and traversing a different path from others you want to go with is a thousand fold, But we can't help it. Everything changes.
*more to come*
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Happiness, anyone?



We all know what happiness is. And i'll bet my life in saying, everyone wants happiness. I mean, who doesn' t want to be happy? But it's such a downer to know that people want happiness but many choose to take the wrong way to it.


First of all:



People often move heaven and earth just to find happiness, not knowing that happiness is the journey itself! I mean, human beings are funny. They try every means to find happiness. They take drugs just to know the experience of being high. They take in these dangerous drugs just to travel in the world of euphoric deeds. Then after the happiness, the feeling of high, the visit to the world of nirvana, comes the dead end of the joyride. Health compensates for whatever these drugs gave them. Now they are to say happiness is only temporary. See the thinking of these people?


Others, however, choose the less damaging but equally pathetic path to tracing happiness. The companionship of material and such mundane things engulf them. Today this is in, so they need to have that thing to be in! "I need a cellphone to be happy, an i-pod, mp3," whatever. The world isn't about these things, much more is happiness. haaay. People, happiness is a feeling, a choice, it doesn't come from things around you, but within you.


Humans, have really funny way of defining and describing happines. Have you felt it? Have you seen it? Have you come face to face with it? Have you kissed its beauty?


I have.


Wait a minute. This is supposed to be a HAPPY post. ok Refresh!!!hehe. But anyhow, i needed to show you how pathetic and frivolous people (like me) can be in their desperate search for happiness. Now for the happy part. drum roll please......



Happiness, as i've said earlier, is a personal and conscious choice. It is your choice to be happy or to mourn for the silliest thing on earth. It's up to you if you want to smile at beggars or grumble about their shady state in life. See what i mean? You are what you radiate. As for me, i do not need drugs, nor any material thing to be happy. Ok so maybe there are several material things that paint a smile on my face, but still, you can't erase the fact that my happiness can be achieved through even the most stupid thing in my everyday life.


A simple joke, a friend, a gesture, a wink, a smile can make a magnitude of 10000000000000 millionents (such exists?) of happiness can ooz my personality.haha!i remember my mom saying, "pasalamat ka mababaw ang kaligayahan natin, hindi malalim!"


such a simple statement, such an overflowing thought of truth.



I am happy. I got together with my friends again. I have just eaten my favorite chocolate. I wrote a sensible and happy entry.



What more could i ask for??




*happiness*



p.s.

"Smile, someone needs that today!"
:)

Category: 0 comments

realizations.

realizations.
they come.
some easily.
others?
they take time.
and mine came unknowingly but easily.or should i say easily but unknowingly.
have you ever had that feeling of being down for no reason at all?grr.it pisses me off when someone tells me that he feels depressed with no apparent reason and it gives me the wadahekyou'relyingtomepooryouiknowyouare feeling.hmp.but it was a slap to my face to find out that it can happen. it nearly knocked me down realizing that it was happening to me.shucks.end of the world na ba?
anyway, here i was taking the test in advance chemistry with a mind wandering into the 3rd dimension of this oblivious world i subconciously created.i got to the farthest kingdom of my fantasy and void world before it came to me that we had already taken the test in math (pre-calculus and calculus).the result?be my guest.
argh.
i hated the feeling of depression but what i despised the most was not being able to tell why the hell im feeling that stupid way!shucks to the ten millionth power. i was even convinced that i was no longer in the proper line of thinking.
i thought i was going mad.i got paranoid,what if i suddenly felt the urge to eat human flesh?what if malevolence came and seduced me?what if i got the psychotic feeling of murdering ants once more?
OA.
but what IS happening to me?
the realization happened after i stopped questioning and let the silence engulf my being. boom!voila!eureka!there it was, the answer to my quandaries.
i have long been blind to this painful truth in my life. I have been living with this kind of "thing" since the time i decided to live this way. it hurts to realize i have been blind with this issue. but it hurts more to know that i can no longer change the current state of things happening this way.
in this war.
i won and i lost over me.
p.s.
Looks can deceive.
True enough.
But the thought of being deceived deceives more.
Category: 2 comments

SENIORITIS!

3 words can sum up everything that our heavy hearts carry.


SENIORS NA KAMI.
shucks.
i can't believe it. we have grown along with time. some may have grown ahead of it, some lagging behind,but we can't deny the fact that we have grown. this may sound so exhaustedly used na but it was just like YESTERDAY when i was still so excited to wear a green skirt, rather than a blue one. when it wasn't a pain in the neck for my mom to buy me the most expensive and cute (and childish) looking notebook in the whole wide (and wild) world!when i still don't have to iron my own uniform, wear the colorful nametags...and soooo much more.
hayhay.
it's even faster than the speed of light. (what a lame comparison but can't think of anything na. my emotions are now getting to me again!argh.)
anyway, so it was like when we were still "littlelings" when we were so excited and anxious to grow up that we start to wear more mature clothes and look more childish as a result! and now that we really have grown, we feel we still have all the time in the world, but before we know it..SENIORS NA TAYO.
hayhayhay.
but what does that mean?
allow me to enumerate.
1. non- innocence: actually, this is both an advantageous and a disadvantageous thing. the advantage? seniors, don't deny the fact that our minds are now way open to a lot of things about life. we can now understand and have first hand experiences with the things that has yet not even found its way into the highly guarded minds of the little ones.admit it.now!haha.anyway, the disadvantage? WE ARE NOW UTTERLY RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL THE STUFF WE GET OURSELVES INTO!We can no longer get ourselves off the hook with the highly strategic teary eyed look and walk away with a lolipop to suck. We are now a step away from adulthood and it's about time we learn the essence of responsibility.
2. SUPERIORITY : WOOOH! let's face it. now that we are Seniors. we totally rock man!haha.(conceit..haha.maybe feel good moment naman!) since we are the seniors, we are the most k nowledgeable, the most mature, experienced, we are the standards man!haha. We are the gurus of high school life. we are ahead of the lower years! OR SO WE THINK. this maybe a good thing to hear but in fact, this is the source of pressure. WE ARE EXPECTED TO DO EVERTYTHING IF NOT EXCELLENTLY, PERFECTLY (ESP.ESEP STUDENTS).
WAAAAH. pressure won't kill you. it'll make you numb.
shucks.
3. ATES and KUYAs : (sobs) we can no longer excuse ourselves from being called with an ate/kuya. let's just face it. with great wisdom..comes great..titles??
wuhuhu..haha.actually theres nothing to sob about? so what if we get called with ate' kuya? its cute. haha.
argh. i hate writing obout stuff like this. about stuff that matters to me alot. this actually isn't about being a senior, but NOT being as senior. but it turned out this way. what can i do? my heart is speaking now. all i can do is follow. argh.
p.s.
If you have some mire suggestions, feel free to comment.
"Sweet childish days, that were as long, As twenty days are now. "
- William Wordsworth
Category: 0 comments

I'm no Runner!!!:(

I'm NOT running away from RESPONSIBILITIES. I'm setting PRIORITIES.
Everyone was aking WHY I didn't do the things they thought i would have done. Everyone was wondering wadahek was wrong with me. shucks. it is tiring to hear all the questioning, but it's way exhausting to think of the answers!esp when you don't have any!gracious!
nakaka...ewan!hmp!
Today I think views (on me) have really got out of hand. I wanna cry!
Choosing not to do something does NOT always mean that you don't want to do it or that you want to run away from whatever it may bring upon your shoulders. It does not at all paint the picture of your being. No! It does not!argh!
Now i don't know what i'm going to say.calm down.breathe.aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...
Life, as we all know, is full of DIVERGING roads. You may choose to go east, or west, right or left, forward or backward. It's your life, your decision, your being; and your future depends on your OWN. You lead your OWN life. When one does choose to traverse the path OTHERS may not expect of him, DOES THAT MEAN HE'S WEAK?Does that mean he's no longer worthy of things due him if he had only taken the road OTHERS may have thought he ought to take?

NO
Human beings live a life with interconnections to one another. But we do not live the lives of others! We are merely and just a PART of it. shucks naman! I won't explain n nga! here it goes!
Please do not JUDGE people with how they appear to be. Because more often than always, things are not what they seem to be! People take different paths to walk, different sceneries to paint and have darn unique ways to express themselves. Though a person cannot meet what you EXPECT OF HIM, that doesn't mean that he's a no good being. Do not jump into conclusions on the motives of his action. He lives a life of his own! He does not breathe and eat and drink and dead face the challenges of everyday living in this chaotic world to live YOUR DREAM, nor to dance your music nor to live the life YOU want for him! This may be the thing you think is good for him, but he himself knows it is not.SO learn to trust. and LET GO.
haaaaaay..so..
I don't run. I chase.
I don't hide. I seek.
I don't cry. I write.
p.s.
I know I disappointed you. But for now all you need to know is I don't feel any regret. I know you care for me. I still love you.:)(:
Category: 0 comments