Why I don't listen during INTROSE

Posted by charonimous
Intro:

My laptop says that it is exactly 10:24 am. My prof is blabbing about multiple requirements while the rest of the class( and this includes me) fails ever so epically in pretending to listen to his lecture. It been a while since ive had my dose of tongue-ing my mind and right now, i feel like doing so.

Where i start to think:

The complexity of human emotions astound me...or to be exact...it is still giving me my fair share of astonishment. Has it ever entered your mind how emotions are formed? How they can change? How subjective they can be? How you can actually manipulate it, fake it, mask it and more over...deny it? How do things around you affect your emotions? Or how do your emotions affect what YOU DO and HOW you see things?

Then his fingers snapped and brought me back to reality.

Where do i draw the line between what i want and need, and what i need but not so want anymore? I'm starting to realize that this post is being invaded by a multitude of questions rather than the actual clarifications i wish would soon slap me in the face. I'm having this liking lately of sleeping during the wee hours of the morning for the solemnity of the silence and the tranquility of knowing everyone is there but do not care a thing about you for now is actually a comfort. It stretches the horizon ahead of me, gives me space to think...too much space and too much thinking sometimes.

Last night till a little early today, it was a bit different. It was almost 2am, but i was too absorbed with a fun conversation and an academic paper that so victoriously took my mind away from the mundane things that preoccupy my it. The space was far beyond, laid in front of me, but it was empty, no words, no questions, none. It was nonetheless liberating and light :> However, everything eventually comes to an end, an end more often than not unwanted by the parties, by the weaker one at least. I put down my phone, closed my laptop and all of these thoughts suddenly burst out of my now bulky mind.

Where i start to rationalize:

Forgive my vague thoughts, aspirations, random questions, misplaced rants and unstable views. One can never attain an ever stable emotional state in life. Those who are able to do so have never risked anything, have never shared a part of them to others, have never been able to acquire others because of that, have never felt pain...but have never loved as well. And that is a sad thing. The complexity of human emotions was never meant to be understood, for emotions were in the first place meant to be felt. The farthest we can reach to understanding from where we obtain our human emotions is the fact that it indeed is complex...Why? Feel it:)

Where i wish to end:

It just turned exactly 10:49am...i am happy, sad, bothered, excited and all the other possible emotions i am able to generate. I am inspired, expired, exhilarated, bored. This proves im human.

Where i actually end:

A finger snapped and I looked up to the reality i am living in right now. For this i am happy, I've grown tired of looking at the station's filthy tiled floor:)
Category: 2 comments

Of Songs and Blind People

Posted by charonimous
Whenever we teeter at the brink of seeming emo-ness or plain music craving, we humans have this certain song, or at least a certain feel of a song we particularly yearn for. Whether it be a mushy love song, a corny comic song or an up beat one, we just know our spirits just won't get settled unless we get to march with its melody.

Within two days, i have played Super Junior's No Other 61 times, watching the mv excluded. Probably some would tell me, do you even understand the lyrics? I probably don't, verbatimly. But the song has this particular effect on me. The one that makes me lighten up, paint an upward curve on my hesitant lips and see the brighter side of things. It's like you could feel the sincerity, you could feel that indeed for them there is no other to whom they could compare the one they love. I remember just yesterday i told a friend of mine who commented that my FB status was so deep that he has to be "in it" to get it. And indeed, no other makes you feel as if you are the one being serenaded. I'm not "fangirling" here. It's just that songs, in general make people...genuine people. It has this power to rip man off of his cloak of pretensions.

On a bigger picture, songs are probably one of God's greatest gift that man has came to know. Songs, no matter how grand or simple, how famous or how personal, in fact is a one-size-fits-all trade. It doesn't discriminate like each of us does, it doesn't judge, doesn't look at who should be and should be not. It simply welcomes everyone brave enough to sing its notes, regardless of the tune which humans so often strain into getting right not knowing that melodies are useless without the heart that conveys its sincerity.

A lot of things can be said on the veracity of the human heart. Is being a human enough criteria to have a human heart? And how human can a human be?

Songs are just like humans, i must say. We tend to be deceiving, just like how titles can very well mislead you. We tend to be emotional, comical, mellow, hyper, romantic and a lot more million states we get ourselves into. A single song cannot encompass the vastness of all the possible emotions the human heart and mind is capable of, however in an ironical note, a single song can encapsulate the sentiments of an incapable heart. This happens when a certain song so freakishly fits in into our current situation that we even call it the theme song of our life, for now, at least. We also tend to look for certain voices that we feel can fit our mood, melody, tune, timbre and all but in the end, we never realize that it is not us who gets to choose who shall sing our melodies, but rahter the singer itself. All we can do is sit back and wait for them to get in the mood and feel the silent beats of our hearts that shall soon have a duet.

Sometimes, too, we feel so alone, just like how a dusty cassette tape must've been feeling right now. We feel so left out, forgotten, and this is when we start to reminisce moments of nostalgic immersions. We start to border on some imaginary line that divide us from the word. But we'll just get this surprise of a revival. Just when we think life has given up on us, someone unexpected comes, and gives us hope...revives our music and sings our melody in a whole new arrangement.

Isn't it amazing how God has been able to make everything an implicit part of each other, if not an utter clone? Indeed it is. But now is still not the time when humanity will finally realize the beauty of things just before our very eyes.

I started with songs but ended in man's blindness on the world's true beauty. But don't you worry dear reader and self, everything is an implicit part of each other. So in a sense, your intro still fits with your conclusion.

Fear not of those make believe writing constraints. :)
Category: 4 comments

The Yesterday I Never Wanted To Be

Posted by charonimous
Via theory of relativity, everything that happened approximately 24 hours ago shall be referred to as past, yesterday or simply something we can easily dismiss, relative to this present time. Everything that constituted that day, namely, events, people, activities, food and all the tangibles and intangibles vanish all together and turn into a part of a word creatively coined by fickle-minded human beings - and that is - memories. This day, i have started to get irritated by the word, by the feeling it delivers, by its mere existence. Why so?

Well, a memory is something com-sci students like me take as a cliche. An everyday word whose meaning we have to know by heart like basically knowing how to breathe; for not knowing so leads to being called a hardcore noob. Our concept of a memory is some kind of a physical storage for data in all its possible forms and/or for running certain apps or thingamabobs. But leaving behind the technicalities of worldly pre-occupations, a memory is simply a recall for man. It is a personal storage of everything and anything we experience, feel. It is personal in the sense that it varies from person to person no matter how identical the moment or the experience might be for that two persons.

Then why do i hate memories? I hate how subjective they can be, how they can speak of unproven truths and of made-credible lies. So okay, hating memories is something rather pointless. I know. But how come memories can never be proven? How can something as precious as memories be constantly subjected to change within the premises of a wishful mind? Can it not be stored in some kind of database wherein everything can be preserved as it is? Apparently no. And we are so far away from doing that...if humanity as a whole even sees the need for it.

WELL ANYWAYS! :))

I'm just in the mood to rant about something. I just didn't want yesterday to end that's why. Well i could've said it directly but then the purpose of a blog would be defeated. haha. And i'd be sad if that be the case. My yesterday was something i never wanted to turn into a yesterday in the first place. That's why im blabbing about memories and stuff. Yesterday, i really had fun all throughout the day...Knight and Day :"> Haha. So im starting to get hazy in writing.

Im going to enumerate why yesterday should never have ended but it ended nonetheless so im just going to enumerate why it is one of the best yesterdays to date:

1. My friend Thomas, who is vying for CCS' Achiever Scholar, had really good voting results so all of our sweat and embarrassing harassments to fellow lasallian students paid off,

2. The FORMDEV training I and my other friends are attending to become facilitators turned into a really interesting and spiritually nourishing session. We even extended for almost an hour for it. :)

3. And i got to watch knight and day! :) :">

4. I got to eat hugs and kisses ice cream which issss really good by the waaaay! I missed eating this kind of ice creamm, and by this kind i mean an ice cream which is not named Animo Cup. I can still imagine the kisses at the top, with the cherry which i didn't eat, haha, with the cream i know he doesn't eat, with the chocolate syrup at the bottom...*drools* it was just fantastic...not to mention...:">

Well that's about it:)

But realizing another day is bound to come, making the yesterday i so loved turn into a more distant memory is really irritating. Haha. I bet he doesnt really care bout it, but i do. Howell! Time flies and even if you stop counting it...it still wont. You can never win against time so just befriend it. :))


Category: 3 comments

12:30's make me emo. A random post impulsive post.

Posted by charonimous
Sometimes i cant help but wonder whether or not i am where im supposed to be. Looking back, nothing fits perfectly in the vision i had of me of the future. I reminisce how i have been in the past years - stressfully happy for the things i love doing. Writing, for the most part. It pains me to remember the fact that me being an official writer is nothing but a mere memory, an illusion i might sometimes mistake for, if not for these old school papers that i keep where i shall be able to glance at it everyday. I am bitter, i should say, that the language i am teaching myself to understand and live with is light years away from the language which i used ever so often back then. I can no longer be what i wanted to be when i was still naive of the world yet so full of zest for life. Will i ever be the same? Or was i even the same in the first place? Was it my mere dreaming that's confusing me of what i really was? Im starting to hate being awake as another day unfolds and suffer early morning contemplations that more often than not, speak of the truth that i so deliberately hide from myself every single day of my monotonous life. I am not ranting, im not asking for more, im not even trying to prove a point long forgotten into oblivion. Im plainly sad. Sad at not being able to do something that i have long convinced my self was a part of who i was*am?*. Something which i believed to define me as a human being among the other billions of billions ofr atom-comprised beings who like me like to ponder on things and depress themselves. I wish i could turn back time. I wish i had someone right here with me to lend a shoulder. But no one is, im alone and its dark and the only face i see is one that i have been so familiar with yet i havent got a clue to how her mind really works or what her heart says or why even so. She looks me straight in the eye, and just as i always do, i flash her a fake smile ive perfected so long ago.

- forgive me for the typos, grammatical errors and the like. product only of a surge of emotions.



I feeeel empty. So emo. I hate it.
Category: 4 comments

Car Rears!

Posted by charonimous
Okay. so my title has both nothing and everything to do with my recent blab.

Just this morning, i was forced to get out of bed, with my eyelids still failing to divorce, and once again meet the early morning rush head on. Today is of course not a school day but i still absent-mindedly asked manong driver to give me a student discount.

"Bayad po...makisuyo. Salamat po. LRT po yan..ESTUDYANTE!"

yesssssss...there was a lot of emphasis on the "Estudyante" part. Don't blame me! For two straight days i have been riding the same jeepney with the same manong driver who by any twist of luck doesn't know what the so-called discount for hard-working-freaking-students is. He would take 9php as my fare when it should only have been 7php. Now you would tell me why on earth wont i give to the more needy driver a meager 2php? I would like to answer you but that would be off topic my recent blab. Maybe some other post, that is if i remember.

Now upon hearing my conviction-filled muttering of "Estudyante," manong was like...

"Miss,Sabado ngayon. Lunes hanggang Biyernes lang may discount ang mga estudyante."

He then flashed a smile that looked so scriptedly-irritating, just like how the man who said he uses clear in the commercial did it. Goodness gracious naman manong where is justice? Well i could've exploded but i was too lazy for it so i let out a lazy...

"Okaaaay.*ikaw na saulo pagkakasunod-sunod ng araw sa buong linggo!*"

Still uncontented with his easy victory over a soupy-student-discount-asking student, he had the nerve to look me straight in the eye and in another irritating smiley face asked me where i have gotten on. I was like manong where is peace?! However, as usual im just a little puppy hiding in the shadows of a big monster so i was like...

"Katipunan po."

I bet manong was too fond of himself he'll buy his jeep a new interior. Well, he should.

So where did i have to go to suffer this unfateful circumstance?

For our Personal Effectiveness Two (Persef2) subject, we were required to attend this seminar on Career Opportunities in the Corporate world. Rummaging my way into the jungle of the LRT in a business wear was the top of my concerns but what suddenly skyrocketed to defeat this was the fact that i have always been questioning myself whether i belong to cs or not and here i am attending a career talk on something i am unsure of!!! Gaaaah.

My being unsure of CS has long been an issue between me and myself. Today i have come to realize, i'd win and lose both ways so i'd rather stick to where i am now and just try to make the most out of this. Yes, i am unsure of CS, but that doesn't mean i don't love it. I just can't see myself a couple of years from now...so i have fears. But i never really thought that it might just be the other way around. I'm not seeing myself several years from now because i have fears! I know i just have to let go of fear, to not let it drown me into oblivion.

Now that being resolved, I promise to never doubt my love for cs ever again! I love cs!!! :)))

Truth be told, this should've been filled with my rants and uncertainties regarding my current state. But it suddenly dawned upon me that i must not make a sad thing sadder by thinking of the saddest things. Funny but true, whenever we feel bad, we humans tend to make matters worse by refueling the fire of gloom within us. This does not even in the slightest of ways help, hence, we should as much as possible try to avoid that.

Sooo yeah. Positivity positivity. I'm suddenly cutting this post short. Still have some hw's to do, quizzes to study for, and a life to manage. :))

Positivity positivity =))

Category: 2 comments

Scared of Being Next in Line?

Posted by charonimous
"Scared."

This was what i answered Sir Joey, our recollection facilitator when he asked me why i wasn't ready to be next in line. He was of course, a bit surprised with my answer, when some of my blockmates were even answering yes.

"What are you scared of?"

"Uuuh...The unknown future?"

Sir Joey has been familiar with me even though we just met today when he caught me making my hands dance while singing an action song he had just taught us before starting his lecture. He even thought that that was my favorite song and offered me a solo performance the next time we sing the song. Well, kidding aside, i did kinda have a liking for that song..or maybe its just a bad case of last song syndrome.

"The unknown future...Well does anybody here know what his/her future will be? No one knows right?So what are you scared of? We are practically on the same boat."

This year's Lasallian Recollection was about calling and heeding the call. CALL. What is a calling? Is it something that gets accumulated when you register to globe's immortal15? Is it something that gives your whole class a minus five for a quiz in a math subject? Is it something that we long or despise from someone?

Or is it basically something we hear...BUT NEVER LISTEN TO?

I have become aware of this so-called calling thingy when I somehow got transported to St. John Bosco Parish in Makati to do some church involvement...and i was like IT'S REQUIRED FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! Well anyway long story to make it short never thought i'd end up loving what they do there so i am now a junior catechist in that parish and we teach children about God weeeee! Less than three. *<3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am scared of the future. Of how it can be so vague, of how you close your eyes at night, rekindle the day, and create a mental picture of how you want tomorrow will be when you wake up. Then you wake up and it's not what you dreamed of. I'm scared. I'm scared of how some people plan a plan that never pushes through and plan to not plan and utterly fail. Im even scared of the fact that im scared.

"Sir Joey, now i'm even scared of answering your question. How am i even going to look you straight in the eye and make you believe im ready when im actually not? The future is vague and playful and it can change drastically with even the smallest of actions. No one is ever going to be ready...i bet."

I am not in a ranting mode. It just makes me wonder how some people look at the future in a shallow perspective. Probably they are never aware of the fact that whatever they do now will have a bearing on their future...on their life after they have exhausted their youth and resources that are sadly...non-renewable. Am i saying this because im the only one who's paranoid? That i am not a brave soul? Or maybe because i am so unsure of what i am doing with my life now that i don't see my future in such. I'm such a hypocrite to have to say no.

"Sir tell me. What do you do when your calling rivals with your priorities? A lot of things are hell easier said than done regarding this matter. But is this bound to happen? Why do i feel so lost not doing what i love, yet feel so unsecured not focusing on what i should prioritize?"

Of course, im not a brave soul to have spoken these last two quandaries of mine. I just gave him a cunning smile, then. One that conveys "yes i am getting your point but i still am unsure so please give me time." I have been silenced but my heart was bursting with all these questions i so long to answer. Probably because i felt like i might show weakness, something people of this new and mundane world have considered a stain rather than a compliment of your being. Perhaps i was. Or perhaps I have been scared.

LASARE2 was indeed fruitful and it was fun learning new songs...especially those with actions! Wee! Not only did we get to eat for free, did i get three brownies for lunch but i got to eat a yummy ensaymanda on my way home! But more than that it made me grow in ways only my heart could now.

Thank God LASARE2 does not require a reflection paper! Whew!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"So chai, are you still scared of the future?"

"Sir, di na! :D"

"I like that answer. Very good! :)"
Category: 3 comments

An Over Due College Post

Posted by charonimous
Yes. I am now in my sophomore year of an academic life that makes you want to stop and think if you made the right decisions. Back when I was still an immensely immature high school senior, what i feared the most was not the big step from high school life to college life, but rather, the regrets i might face realizing that i am in the wrong college building, or better yet..in the wrong place all together.

During high school, I experienced being a stressed student leader, harassed journalist, terrible-time-managing-above-average-student, a loquacious parliamentarian, a wannabe dancer and a lot more trades a jack like me wanted to put myself into. I loved English, the written subject and the talking part to be more particular, liked math and science but did not particularly yield any interest in technology and computers. The only thing I knew about technology back then was that the latest ones are much more expensive than all the other older stuff.

Talking about future careers, I would always visualize myself standing in front of the camera, projecting, and in a stern and authoritative voice would i deliver the most up to date news for the country. Betteryet! I imagined myself in Iraq trying to risk my life for a full coverage of the on going war. Yes, i was an aspiring journalist during the best days of my naive childhood.

But along with maturity comes wisdom that dulls life.

Adding days to my life equated to thinking more about the practicality of the life you'd hone yourself into. Dangers, injustice and basically incompatibility issues haunted me and my desire to be a journalist.

Hence, me and computer programming.

Being in this course was not actually a last recourse sort of decision...but the decision of an apprehensive and challenge-inviting being like me. I opted to try something new. Besides, it was already etched in my mind that there is much luck needed to become a journalist or even a writer.. and innate luck was something i lacked. There was this instance when i was about to finish an expert level minesweeper game and there were only two squares left and one of them was to be the bomb and as luck would have it i clicked the bomb! Well so much for that.

Computer Science indeed is miles away from journalism. And so am i from being a journalist. However, loving and liking, contrary to how sensation would've dictated, is something that can be learned. We humans are led to believe in what they call bias and bias is actually something we nourish. We dont gain bias because it is the natural course of life, but rather, it is the natural course of life to gain bias on something we prefer. Point is, CS is not hard to love and like. But it's not that easy either.

Now i wonder why i still felt the need to write a post concerning the decisions i made overtime. Maybe because i really want to give justice to comsci. Right.

Or is it because i want to convince myself that i made the right decision after all?

Category: 3 comments

Revived

Posted by charonimous
I have finally resurfaced.

I have managed to keep my fingers away from the enticing call of the keyboard and my mind away from the ranting-spree-inducing sights everywhere for an eternity of months. I have managed to ignore the passion and convince myself that the mistake i made *back in my immature years in high school when i have merely laid my fingers on the raw and itchy pens of an aspiring blogger* should flag the end of my writing career. I have managed to deliberately deny the need to write, to blog, to speak words unspoken, because i have dared to do so.

The past has narrowed my future and is terrorizing my present. How fateful.

But during the most unexpected time in my life, i have rekindled the flicker of a tiny flame i have long been ignoring. I felt the need to write. I needed to breathe. The solution: resurface.

I have to admit i have been much of a coward running away from my mistakes rather than learning from it. I have never really wanted to come face - to- face with my problems that's why all this time i kept on running and hiding. I have been a failure once, and i added more to it by not facing the facts. But it is only now that i have realized, i'm empty not being able to write. The pen has always been an extension of myself and words have always been loyal companions of mine.

I have finally resurfaced. And no matter how vague this post of mine might seem to those who dont know, i am happy they are able to read this. I am happy that i finally can say i have emptied all the burden of my soul.

I have forgiven myself. Now I am worthy to be forgiven.

Right now, all i can think about is how glad i am that i have a new post and that my first ever college post is written in a light tone, almost. I am revived. <3
Category: 3 comments

Boogers.

Posted by charonimous
Category: 0 comments

Umbra.

Posted by charonimous



Grabe. Siguro nga baliw talaga ako. laging nakatawa, nakanganga kahit walang dahilan. Madalas akong hyper, isama mo pa ang bunganga ko. And, ayon sa recent findings ko, meron akong na-unravel na talaga namang isang ambitious feat!tanan!haha

Ngayon ko lang napagtanto na logical lang na malungkot o madepress ako ng walang dahilan. Bobo ko kasi ngayon ko lang nadiscover yun (waw pang-research!), ngayon na umaatake siya!haha. Masarap palang tumawa kahit na pikon na pikon ka na sa wala lang. Pero ewan ko talaga, di naman ako dadatnan kasi kakaron ko pa lang ( i-reveal ba?!). haha.

Pero dahil isa akong marangal na eintein na dinadaan lahat ng bagay sa careful reasoning na iniinfer from keen observations ang possible causes through thorough investigations and the scientific method (anu kamo?!haha).,natheorize ko na one of the following ang probable reason kung bakit ganito ako:

1. genetically mutated ako - (pero intrinsic siya, and does not manifest in the physique). yun, somewhere beyond the vastness ng angog ko siguro naghahide ang abnormality ng DNA ko. Siguro may sobra at kulang akong chromosome. Or! Baka may chromosome na sakin lang mahahanap!hahah.

2. lack of sunlight - anyway hindi naman talaga ako naniniwala na totoo ang observation ni Mr. Sumthing-whatever na lack of sunlight may cause or increase the feeling of depression. As a matter-of-fact, baka nga lalo pa akong maasar sa sunlight kasi iitim/mapapawisan ako. I'm a human faucet pa naman. Gosh, bakit di pa ko kunin ni mars ravelo as a superheroine!haysows, charonimous the human faucet. haha. Tapos unemployed na nyan mga bumberorista, ako na lang kasi ang apt for the job. bummer. wag na nga lang. (hey i thought this was about lack of sunlight!) Back to the topic, ilang siglo na rin kasing hindi umuulan dito sa Forks- este Tabaco. Extinct na nga mga toko kasi di na sila useful. Walang kwenta kasi alam na ng mga tao na uulan lang naman kinabukasan kaya sabi ni mareng toko, why bother? oh diba sosial.

3. bipolar ako - possible naman di ba?! di ko nga lang alam kung anu talaga ang exact at technical meaning ng pagiging bipolar. Di naman siguro yung may special ability na mag-adapt sa north and south pole no?allergic kasi ako sa lamig. haha. Anyway, kurniks. if ever bipolar ako, rare case ang nasakin. haha.

4. psychotic ako - haha. siguro masiyadong onti ang convulusions ng brain ko kaya nahihirapan nasiyang ihiwalay ang figment ng aking creative imagination at ng aking frivolous reality. sabi na nga ba, dapat inESPED NA ko ni mommy. Ay mama pala.

5. pagod ako - malamang! KAw ba naman magsayaw ng cotillion na may, like what? a million burads!sows! not to mention nagpapractice for a practicum na boogie (which i totally lurve, kaya no regrets here!haha) and maglakad from your house to your room na like what? walking distance!hahaha! basta, pagod na ako. mag-isip. makiramdam. charing!

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T: si charonimous 2 ang kili-kili!1,2,3! (si charonimous dalawa ang kili-kili, 1,2,3!)
C: ay bingi. hahah.
------------------------------------------------
ayun. at naubus din ang, if ever meron, mental juice ko. pero naisip ko rin, hindi naman siguro ako baliw. i mean, sabi nga ni mr. echoz-care ko, he who accepts to be insane, proves to have sanity. he who flaunts sanity, has to see a psychiatrist. hindi niya naman talaga esakto yan sinabi, inimprove ko na lang para may art. haha. basta, yun na yun. kailangan lang alam natin kung kailan ilalabas ang pagiging insane at kung kailan ito icacamaflouge sa nakangangang bibig. And at of this moment, hindi ko na alam kung anu ba talaga ang central idea na pingarerevolvevan ng post kong ito. Kung tungkol ba sa discovery ko, sa theories, sa extinction ng species, sa komiks, hay ewan!basta!hindi ko rin alam kung bakit umbra. ay alam ko pala.
haha.
intermission lang pala yung conversation ni T at C. Mga ugag yan. bow.
p.s.
"It hurts to have everything and nothing at the same time."
Category: 0 comments

When you Lose, don't lose the Lessons

Posted by charonimous
L doesn't only stand for losers.


It stands for lessons learned.


It stands for lives changed.


It stands for bonds linked.


It stands for love, in every form.


It stands for things that are left, when everything that seemed right has left.


When you Lose, don't lose the Lessons.






p.s.


What you don't know won't hurt you. But what you know you don't know aches.



Category: 0 comments

I mean WILD. XD

Posted by charonimous
When i say wild, i mean wild.
Daydreaming is like no other for me. I mean, if the daydreaming you know even has the same meaning as the daydreaming in my sorta egotistic world. First of all, I myself get wired up in figuring out why these thoughts squeeze themselves through the already complex convolusions of my brain. Second of all, i just don't get it. haha. Well anyway, here's a list of my inate aspirations and dreams *as the world tongues it* and the exacerbation of it's ultimate weirdness and wildness:
Charonimous dreams of:
1. Being an astronaut - yeah right. But i do, like every filthy child playing bare naked in the equally filthy world, dream of reaching for the farthest star. I would also like to prove to my pets that the sky isn't the limit. Just the boundary of life..or so we think. I am yet to prove you that. :)
2. Having superpowers - specifically, the power to control time. This silly dream of mine started when i was still in elementary. Funny but as i hung around with time i realized that this power is, how do i say this uhm.,powerful, as in. ahaha. However what's funnier is that i gave birth to this dream when i didn't know an answer to a stupid test item that i wanted to stop time and scan my notes. haha. *wow, cheating can bring about good stuffs as well huh, never thought of that ha!*
3. Having a superb singing voice - I'm actually not the type that causes the raging rains, just the type that does mini-concerts in the shower. I am, moreover, envious of people who have excellent singing voices. I mean, if i'm a powerbelter i can simply join singing contests and earn enough money to go to disneyland, right? However since i do not have a great singing voice, i stuck with my pseudo-luck in writing. So as of now i'm trying to earn as much by triftily budgeting pocket moneys provided by the school. haha. *curse the global financial crisis*
4. Dying - Now this may probably be the wildest of my innate dreams. I mean, people are scared of death, but i want to die! haha. Not htat i'm suicidal, i love my life andi'd be thrilled to live beyond 2012. I'm just curious of how things will be when i die. Would people cry, rejoice? I don't know. This is what boggles me. But the twist in this wish of mine is that since i have the power of time, i can simply turn back time and go back before the time of my death, and save myself!wee!
5. Being confined in the hospital - I don't eat fruits and vegetables. Is it me, or is my body simply amazing!haha! I have never, in my entire life,(except of course during birth) been confined in the hospital. I just wonder if sleeping in the hospital bed would feel different. Nothing much. hehe
6. Being the first lady - hey, i want an awful lot of shoes too!
7. Being an average student - Not that i'm bragging about my status as a student. But i believe being in the esep curriculum has built half of the reputation of mine. During the times when we teeter at the verge of exploding because of mountain steep schoolwork, esep students, *may i generalize?* just simply dream to become an average student. It actually is the gatepass to the world of more regular and less stressing stuffs to take care of.
8. Being a boy - I just wan't to try if AXE really does work. hmm.
9. Being rich - well, i'm human. haha. but i honestly am contented with my life now. hihi.
10. Blogging - wish granted.
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The more you hate, the more you Love

Posted by charonimous
cliche.cliche.cliche.
And just when you thought this is a romantic love story.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
A teacher is known to be a fountain of knowledge for the thirsty, and a fastfood chain for the hungry. However, that day, mam taught me something way beyond the textbooks. Something that i'll be keeping for a lifetime. Or even until this material body of mine decomposes and aid another plant to continue the cycle of life.
We had a talk, but not as teacher-student. She wasn't asking me a question to test if i was paying attention, nor was I inquiring about the lesson. We were simply two people talking about life, as it was manifesting itself. I was a human being, and so was she. That was it.
I honestly didn't know why i wanted that conversation to take place, but i did. And the reason was soon to be revealed.
Almost everything about this year was hitting the boundary of grief and I was teettering at the brink of transforming into a product of 21st century loners - an emo. However, that was never an option of mine so I just dropped the thought.
I was seeking for peace of mind, and something to shut my conscience up. But it seemed that I NEEDED help, and i couldn't turn to anyone(except chis, and others) who can give me a mature advice. I was being tormented silently at the thought of someone suffering because of me.
That's when her words struck me, like a bolt of lightning piercing through my heart, and through the thin glass that cups my tears.
" Its why they tell you, the more you hate, the more you love. The more the person has invested feelings of love for you, the more he/she will get hurt and hate you because of dissapointment. He/She has loved you, that's why he/she may hate you. He/She won't get mad if she didn't care."
She need not say it again, nor elaborate, just like in our daily class lectures. She has made her point, a point well taken, and a point treasured.
To mam, thank you so much po.
To mam pang isa, thank you din po.
And to mam, i'm SORRY.
Category: 1 comments

"You'll tide" season.

Posted by charonimous
Is it me, or is Santa really getting old?
I have never, in my entire life and even in the spring of my youth and innocence, believed in an old man wearing a thick (and creepy) beard. A huge old man in a huge red cloak with a huge buckle to hold firmly against his huge stomach the huge red cloak. A man they call santa?? NEVER.
Though, as a child, I have been waking up every 26th of December to find a coin bank just beside my pillow, I have never really played along with santa and his Christmas wishlist. And if ever he were true, he would probably be a pretty lame gift giver(hey, don't blame me for getting a santa coin bank every single year!!!).haha.
But seriously speaking, It boggles me how santa got into the picture of Christmas. I was actually looking for him in the nativity. I looked behind Mary, beside Joseph, under the cattles and everything but it was a petty. haha. Pretty stupid right?
I mean who even conceived this obese dude who reindeers can carry across the skies in the middle of the night, giving away free gifts amidst the global financial crisis? Who even told you reindeers can fly?pft.
I just hate it. I am not young anymore and i start to rationalize things too much. Dear santa, you actually have nothing to do about the quandaries i am in right now. You just look like my sweet punching bag. Its not your fault that i wasn't good this year.
*sorry*
Category: 2 comments

Falling down and getting back up again.(disclaimer:this is not emo!)

Posted by charonimous
The unstoppable rain has been dominating the city of love for i think the last century(OA?!) and based on my not-so reliable inference and unrelenting senses, it has, by every means, no plans of putting on hold its asian tour. haha. unfortunately, it caused a series of unfortunate events, unfortunate enough to happen to unfortunatepeople close to me, if not, to the unfortunate me!TO ME!wahahahhuhuh.,


The day was actually hypersupermega exciting and fun despite the obvious fact that the rain was pouring hard, we have strolled half of the world and we are soaking wet and are cold to death! So, as earlier discussed by my earlier post (earlier?haha), the einteins were brilliant enough to excuse ourselves during the last day of formal classes to go round and about the bicol region(OA?!)haha) and take shots of the wastes and pollutants that invade the modern era on a mission to go to Japan!weee!Arigato!Hike!haha.Moshimoshi!


So our ultimate destination was Carillo's residence wherein we are to collate the documented wasteland and magically turn it into a masterpiece!Brilliant eh?! This is where the series of unfortunate events kicked in!


The soil was already drunk with too much h20 injected into it that it has gone jelly-ish, and slippery when wet and everything. Gracia (chis kong panget) and I and Jovie were to go to school on an errand to Mam Cargullo and to return the bikes we partially stole from Latade's residence. So off we were. On the way to the bikes...



Gracia: Gagamiton ko su ginamit ko na subago.


Charonimous: (Due to a traumatic past experience on a defective bike) ( raced to the well-conditioned bike when suddenly..) blagh!kaboom!awoom!awooom!boom!tugsh!


Gracia: *shocked face* (gaud, i wasnt able to see.,all i can see was the sky!haha!)


Bien: Charooonimous!(ran to save the dying cute.,haha!when suddenly...)blagh!kabooom!awooom!boom!tugsh!


Gracia: Hala Charonimous!Get up?!Are you okay?!


Jovie: LOL .LOL more.



Translation: Charonimous went diving into the clear, hard, rain-showered cement when Bien, the saviour came to the rescue ending up laying beside her too. Haha. The two of them shared a moment while staring into the sky and feeling their backs and butts ache.





HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.


XD


But that was fun. And happy. Gracia helped me up. Jovie did too while laughing her panty out and as for me and bien, we both continued with the day on wet shorts.
Category: 5 comments

On Flip-flops and Wing-sy Plans.

Posted by charonimous


Everything was set for the day. The plan was laid out and stainless. If the fickle weather permits, we would go biking around the Tabaco City area and continue to the end of the universe or until we get satisfied with the pictures for our documentary-in-the-making. We ought to take the latter.

Well, as predicted by my excited mood, the skies cried and sulked and cried a little more and the supreme sun got beaten by the clouds. way to go mr. sunshine.hmp! So anyway we continued with plan B, the undying walk-a-thon!Of course the trek would be equally fun since i would be with my friends, however, cycling was a hell lot tiring and exciting.haha! It would've definitely tested the unscientifically-proven-yet-strongly-believed-belief-by-many that graduating students are death magnets(haha??).

Putting that aside and STROLLING as if the rain is non-existent, we brushed the sidewalks and roads of the moist Tabaco grounds with our flip-flop clad feet and shot everyone and everything and every waste unfortunate enough to pass by our very senses -through a camera, silly!

Our itchy slippers were able to fly us around and about the following exotic places:

Centro: (ooh how exotic!hhaha) Well this will inevitably be our first destination, putting in focus every waste in sight, we were able to get some pretty sensible shots.







Bacolod: Bacolod to the very core to be exact! We were able to reach the deepest of the deep of Bacolod! We even crossed a handle-less-death-defying bridge that tested my fear of heights and my pronounced clumsyness. The bridge of death, as i would call it, brought us to a little scary yet genuine shortcut trail to the Tabaco City port!






Tabaco City port: Though civilians are not allowed to enter the pier at regular days we were able to pass through the guards. It's what you call the proper use of wit and CHARMS.haha! There we inhaled the fresh scent of dying fish swimming around the polluted waters. (harsH?)haha!





Rollbeck Gotohan: Even superman needed rest, right? The jungle adventure squeezed the available ATP's for continued walk-a-thons and we needed something to recharge our adrenaline and nothing beats a warm goto amid the cold rainy day!(yeah naman!haha!) We ate till our bellies ache(nabitin nane ako.,haha!expression lang yan so that it;ll sound good) and our blood came pulsing through our brains once more.
Snowpy Stand: Though we consider these places exotic, nothing is as exotic as the waste-seg-cute-group, headed by moir of course! In the pouring rain and raging winds(okey, so the wind wasn;t actually raging,haha) we thought we needed something to cool our excitements and Snowpy sundae is up for the job!haha! We all ate ice cream to push the goto deeper down our stomachs.haha. Such exoticism!haha!
Lotto Stand: This stand is directly beside the Snowpy stand. A definite sign of a looming luck! (well, that is how we shall be putting it!haha!) We decided, because of the self-proclaimed natural luck we think we posses, we took the shot and bet in the lotto!haha! Please pray for us!haha!I should like to set this topic aside and write a separate post for this!haha!
Latade's residence:you may ask the significance of this destination but to tell you, this is the magical place where we got the magical instruments for the magical bike ride!BIKES!haha!




Carillo's residence:The meeting place!The final destination of our adventurous undertaking!hehe!

:P

Today is fun. Tomorrow shall be better.

:)

Category: 0 comments

Not me!(my washing of the hands)

Posted by charonimous
I HAVE NOT BEEN WRITING FOR LONG. In fact, It may be considered quite a while since i've last tongued my randoms feelings and/or rants that swim around my bloggled mind and malfunctioning heart. True. I have failed to update this now stagnant site and my bank of not-so secret feelings.
However, i still wonder why through such abrupt circumstances, the will power, the urge, the push to write and express grew oblivious. Hold the thought! Cause as human as it sounds, it would give me much pleasure to take the blame off my very sleeves and throw it to someone/something else.

The human mind really is as fascinating as its mysteries. How foolish must it be to believe whatever it is that i am about to put into writing today. (at this moment i am irked with the fact that i honestly don't know where to go with the things that i'm blabbing about.,crap!) I am planning to make up silly excuses for my incapacity to maintain this cave of my disturbing perceptions 'till the thought escaped me. Darn. I have not written for long and now it seems that i am not able to write anything of substance. However, i think i have fat lots of reasonable reasons to compensate for everything else.

Blaming it on stress. On the numerous winning, losing, losing, losing, losing, and er, have i mentioned losing and yeah, losing contests. Blaming it on studies, the quizzes, long tests, reports, researches. Blaming it on the rain, sunlight, rain, sunlight and another million of that continuous cycle. Blaming it on nonbiodegradable wastes. On plastics that fermented-kefir can't degrade.Blaming it on climate change, pollution, child exploitation, dirty politics. Blaming it on Akon. On lousy singers that make it at the top of the charts. Blaming it on pornography, fhm, maxim, and other lame magazines.

Yeah. Those stuffs. And these more:

Blaming it on politicians,authors and engineers (of anomalies). Blaming it on broken dreams, frustrations, failures and dirty bedrooms. On dusty ceilings and backrooms. Blaming it on boring lives, physics problems and spag shortages. Blaming it on lost pieces. On forgotten melodies, on melancholical novels. Blaming it on TWILIGHT. On the non-existent edward cullen or carlisle, and villains that turn into goodguys when loved. Blaming it on Patricia Evangelista.

Blaming it on unrecognizable usbs. On trojan viruses. On putos worth 4php. On inspiring songs. On expiring songs. Blaming it on anti-christs. Blaming it on Barak Obama, and Bush. Blaming it on broken families, early marriages, divorce, annulment, teenage pregnancy. Blaming it on the dream fight. On pacquiao's english profficiency, de la hoya's abs.

In short. Blaming it on the whole wild and wide milky way galaxy. Blaming it on everybody and everything else, EXCEPT me.

I believe these reasons shall be enough to fool my gullible convolution-etched brain. Enough to make it believe that he's off the hook. Enough to manipulate the understanding, the intellect, the stupidity and the moronic tendency to make it succumb, enough to convince you to nod.

Enough to deceive the psyche.
Ironically, I refuse to consider.
Category: 0 comments

Finally.

Posted by charonimous
I have to admit. Much as I was trying to avoid negativity vibes in this blog of mine, it persists and channels its own route to this very site. Though finally, after a million years of failures and near chances of success(and Baguio trips), the true form of achievement was conceived just this friday:))
Yeah yeah! Thanks to the true power of my oozing values and virtues(hahaha.,this is the benefit of being a V.E. quizzer, I can easily shove to people's faces how I competently uphold Good manners and right conduct!bwaha!XD) and of course through the 24/7 review of the subject and the support of the ever inspiring Ms. Mary Jean Brizuela! Hi mam! (hehe) we were able to NOT FAIL, yes we achieved our goal and not went home empty handed!haha! With emphasis on NOT FAIL (see we have been collecting several losses this schoolyear.,haha).
So here's the comprehensive part of my blabber:
Together with my other teammates Ivy and Bob we ventured to San Antonio Elementary school to compete for the Tagis-Talino sa Edukasyong Pagpapahalaga (yes people, I have values.,haha). We actually have prepared for the quiz for days, reviewing intensively(?), (okay so 3/4 intensively and 1/4 idly, haha,) and excusing ourselves from classes and quite sadly from the confines of the very essencial intramurals where the IV-Einteins skillfully practice the art of doing nothing at all!Ugh. Though free afternoon snacks and mr. donut donuts and coke were able to compensate for the nerve-wracking, brain inflating attempts of the review.whew!
So anyway, Ivy and I were determined to win, to avenge ourselves from the elusive justness that oftentimes hamper our way to winning! We were waging war against the cycle of hoping, lossing, hoping and lossing again and consequently, a war against ourselves. We were moreover pressured by the fact that TNHSians were actually reigning even in the nationals in the said quiz. By the way, "pressured" IS an understatement.
The quiz was scheduled in the afternoon however the quiz begun in the morning, just after the opening program. We were silent, but our hearts rattled the silence and cracked the pretending to be tranquil mind of ours.
We had 2 mistakes during the easy and average rounds, but before the difficult round, we were leading. The pressure was greater but the desire was nonetheless overwhelming.
The quiz finished with us ranking 4th.
Crap. Shattered hopes. We were enraged because of the following reasons:
1. They ruled out a certain answer of ours because it does not match that of the key to correction, THOUGH WE HAVE A CERTIFIABLE REFERENCE.
2. They did not complete the 10 questions for the last round because the remaining questions were incomplete.
However, the Lord did magically piece together things we thought would never complement. The coaches had a conference, and agreed to finish the round with 3 more additional questions, considering the question (of our complaint) invalid.
Voila!
Unexpectedly, we made it to the top 3.
The Lord does have his ways. We just have to go with it.
Baguio, here we come!
yiyi!
p.s.
" It's not fate nor destiny, it's the LAW OF ATTRACTION."
I am yet to believe.:P



Category: 2 comments

Seniors No More :(

Posted by charonimous


Nothing shall stay, is what I’d say
But goodbye, it pains in every way
And we will stand to the very day
We cry our sentiments, we cry for we may



No more “spag” on crowded beak times
No more sneaking into the wildlife
No more homey rooms to mess and clean
Or discreet laughter on clean and green

No more “Not yet ma’am!” on nosebleed-tests
Nor “1/4 please, my dearest friend”
No more “may we please go to the CR?”
To be back with chips and yummy c. bars

No more silly games on sunny days
Or jokes galore and cramming ways
No more “Yes I aced the test!”
Nor “No! I have no prep!”

High school IS a living dream
Of friends and families and loves to keep
Bonds, goodbye can never break
A test of time we all can make.










p.s.




Forgive me but here i go again being emo-ish on the fact that we are graduating. argh.




:(
Category: 5 comments

A Not-So-Thrilling-Actually-Kinda-Boring Title

Posted by charonimous
I just thought that the title of a post, itself, should suit the topic perfectly and through the help of a much-needed divine intervention, I came up with this not-s0-thrilling-actually-kinda-boring title to match my not-even-close-to-thrilling-actually-kinda-boring November 1!*whew*
Yes. Unlike any other November 1s all over the world, I believe no one has suffered anything more unproductive than the November 1 that passed beyond my silly reach. In fact, I thought I was at the verge of dying that day (thanks to my unprecedented sickness that loomed over my shimmering plans for the day), or more likely traversing the path from dynamism to uhm..er..passivism(?). haha!
Well, that "stupid illness" started 2 days before that..that..thing (thing refers to presscon.,haha.,di pa talaga makaget-over?yuck.). I had this lump at the side of my neck. There were 2 things on my mind regarding that. It was either my tonsilitis was getting worse and it was developing into an incurable cancer or I was transforming into a mutant that my mom told me I really was [and I soon will be working on monstrous plans to invade the earth and rule the universe!*evil laugh*]Nooooooo! But much to my relief, it was neither. Haha. *Although the transformation into a mutant was quite more plausible*
Too much for that. So that illness stuck to me like superglue that until the first day of November I was plastered unto the bed, motionless and helpless!:( Okay so I wasn't motionless nor helpess:), but I was energy-less!haha.:D The brilliant vibe that floundered within me was momentarily given its own holiday. sheesh!:/
So my mother and newly-transformed Manila-boy bro *haha.,hi bro!* decided to leave behind the helpless me to rest and regain mortality as they stroll amidst the Gaisano Mall with smiles etched on their cunning faces!!!!!haha*okay so a little bit of exaggeration here* and of course thay also went to visit the grave of our beloved ones in Albay.
And so i was afraid, i was petrified! All by myseeeeelf!!Poor me!!:(
Until blessings were bestowed to those who wait [and text]. Thanks to my saviour Maria Gracia Acogido!haha! I was able to escape the cocoon of boredom and unproductivity!At least i was able to stretch my legs and let blood circulate up into my brain once more!haha. We were supposed to go saba-ing but who the hell would open his/her sabahan for nov. 1?!haha. So we just bought Snowpys worth 15php and ate like it was the only food on earth, we strolled around the LCC Mall, "at home kita digdi!" and we laughed. hehe. jejeje!
haaay. Hmm. Some of my classmates were even inviting me to go perya-ing with them at camp saint but it was already dark and I'm not quite familiar with the place so i let it pass!
Hey, i might actually need to correct myself. It wasn't that boring! It was actually a November 1 like no other!awee!
:)
p.s.
Happiness does not choose you. You choose Happiness.
:)
Category: 2 comments